Adapted from books by Shelly Beach: Ambushed By Grace: Help and Hope in the Caregiving Journey, and It Is Well with My Soul.
It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking we are not doing enough. As we have seen, this can lead to false guilt, as we feel pressured to live up to other people's expectations. How can we avoid this trap? By setting boundaries.
Boundaries are essentially agreed rules and principles that establish clearly what should or shouldn't be done, or draw lines where each person's responsibility begins and ends. It also involves understanding the consequences of personal actions and choices.
For example, if you're sharing space at home with the person you're caring for, boundaries determine who is the head of your home, what is considered acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, and how privacy is to be respected.
Without boundaries in our physical, emotional, and relational lives, we would live at the whim and fancy of others. Boundaries tell others how far they can go and how far we are willing to go. They help us to understand our right and responsibility to steward the time, talents, and emotional, material, physical, and spiritual gifts that God has given us.
There is a biblical basis for setting boundaries. We can see them in God's rules for mankind's role in creation. His expectations for our comfort, and His instruction on relationship between governments and citizens in a country, spouses in a marriage, relatives in a family, and residents in a community.
Boundaries bless and protect by ensuring that we can live in the way and manner God has determined for us. In Galatians 6:5-7, Paul reminds us that while we are to help carry other people's burdens, each person is also accountable for his or her own actions: "Carry each other's burdens . . . Each one should carry their own load."
Of course, it can be challenging to set healthy, God-honouring boundaries, especially in Asian cultures that emphasise filial piety and community at the expense of self. Many of us enter the caregiving role weighed down by social and cultural expectations. Many of us are still children, always fearing that we will never measure up to our parents' expectations.
Setting boundaries therefore requires us to deal with old fears and insecurities, and traditional expectations resulting from our cultural background. It may require us to persuade those we love to change old patterns of thought, and learn to accept that we cannot do everything.
Remember, it is healthy to establish boundaries around our God-given desires and responsibilities. It is okay to say no to people; being Christ-like doesn't mean that we must always comply with their wishes.
Boundaries bless and protect.
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https://www.tienvnguyen.net/images/file/C3JgEMCk1ggBAEdj/birdfence-1a.jpg
https://www.tienvnguyen.net/p154a2027/3/4-muc-do-tinh-tan-chanh-niem-tinh-giac-van-dung-trong-doi-song-hang-ngay
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the love of Christ . . . Each one should carry their own load. - Galatians 6:2, 5
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha2DZK1Tx40KA2HGwphrYJucXx1QQipObPqXNCxmjFJDiSMmMcEdCsFH7zy7uL7kqnImuHdANRHXLHfU8-cHycSZdWL1BiwNWgWFS1Io1ayUysr67knU7_GAVJkycOdn8VQ8-ieVlxp0wMZnjz5GzH2R2lwtFgM45Wz2VlcA5eJ3pn59lu_MROlFGs/s4540/38843206501_0fe0aa15d3_o.jpg
https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4571/38843206501_0fe0aa15d3_o.jpg
https://www.stampcommunity.org/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=58049
It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking we are not doing enough. As we have seen, this can lead to false guilt, as we feel pressured to live up to other people's expectations. How can we avoid this trap? By setting boundaries.
Boundaries are essentially agreed rules and principles that establish clearly what should or shouldn't be done, or draw lines where each person's responsibility begins and ends. It also involves understanding the consequences of personal actions and choices.
Picture posted by Gene Hammett
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj39yG6R-NuddKirzub1Y6BAJ_RWJQL5CetlnZLYC-NWpGShTI2GjFd2GMOFSzOUHE62CHylFqAmjZHVS6ovo8Yn3605T3LGSmjcdnl4acbiAwusZkcFQsTZZZAzWX5RduOYdxPxY7dCM3iATcgkzSpHx3wQPiGtHyD8vBCswrUn26rxG15AGTTju1O/s1920/getty_1126856471_410708.jpg
https://www.incimages.com/uploaded_files/image/1920x1080/getty_1126856471_410708.jpg
https://www.inc.com/gene-hammett/if-you-struggle-with-setting-boundaries-heres-what-you-should-do.html
For example, if you're sharing space at home with the person you're caring for, boundaries determine who is the head of your home, what is considered acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, and how privacy is to be respected.
Without boundaries in our physical, emotional, and relational lives, we would live at the whim and fancy of others. Boundaries tell others how far they can go and how far we are willing to go. They help us to understand our right and responsibility to steward the time, talents, and emotional, material, physical, and spiritual gifts that God has given us.
Picture posted by OMG on 19 May 2019
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-dksmYYcM9FzWbS-YcGjxBWA3wvIUJaPeEO64rdQxEBYQddvLkl_DY09Tg7A1Z7_jiWL_LYXdALUcxbmL1L-hD_fA3GWQA6DejIubnSwjWomIO-3RFjY2qZ0VUsn6AzqReNwaI5kZ0CnbD-oeHgGG5DYGVImVEb4H06yAqFH6dJwHKOXHLl6rwyeW/s647/1558218448-777171-personal-space-animals.jpeg
https://sorhadi.net/assets/files/2019-05-18/1558218448-777171-personal-space-animals.jpeg
https://sorhadi.net/d/44738-kisisel-alan-nedir
There is a biblical basis for setting boundaries. We can see them in God's rules for mankind's role in creation. His expectations for our comfort, and His instruction on relationship between governments and citizens in a country, spouses in a marriage, relatives in a family, and residents in a community.
Boundaries bless and protect by ensuring that we can live in the way and manner God has determined for us. In Galatians 6:5-7, Paul reminds us that while we are to help carry other people's burdens, each person is also accountable for his or her own actions: "Carry each other's burdens . . . Each one should carry their own load."
Picture posted by George Dieter on 23 November 2015
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSTUfporRSMHMMp-GvVnDH5uQovugevZnAwq4J4vaPmYO4dYRn-MWSAE7cxQCifAxqXbPA3Uugy8JEhiDoLfAQoHBglKlkJZ9OG_Oy78wvGWdpUYEVO-ZulRONA6cWOypjE6tFs_FRZDVoXEJbxQAUt1nlvLlkq4L8p1xJVOvmMSKD7U5IdqZD57pw/s750/5d1e05329929d591328851.jpg
https://welldoing.org/storage/app/uploads/public/5d1/e05/329/5d1e05329929d591328851.jpg
https://welldoing.org/article/relationship-boundaries-define-us
Of course, it can be challenging to set healthy, God-honouring boundaries, especially in Asian cultures that emphasise filial piety and community at the expense of self. Many of us enter the caregiving role weighed down by social and cultural expectations. Many of us are still children, always fearing that we will never measure up to our parents' expectations.
Setting boundaries therefore requires us to deal with old fears and insecurities, and traditional expectations resulting from our cultural background. It may require us to persuade those we love to change old patterns of thought, and learn to accept that we cannot do everything.
Setting boundaries therefore requires us to deal with old fears and insecurities, and traditional expectations resulting from our cultural background. It may require us to persuade those we love to change old patterns of thought, and learn to accept that we cannot do everything.
Picture posted by Sarah K. Butterfield
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwkDj2xbpqh2Q6K2XrIX18hTgOXAhE6WiyGy7whwARcxzeP8bQjtjX1H4UrDrPCIugOJ8G1RiAVnG7qfZClaXsQvxpeYHxXlzyBmnM5aGAPUDK2GVtJD5EYiMdWClbR8WCBzx_u7a3G9-278giQRVlqJD3LrDwTa78K_t5NbYEmvRLsccboFjd4z-d/s4288/priscilla-du-preez-e6fcnpur53a-unsplash.jpg
https://notablysarah.files.wordpress.com/2021/10/priscilla-du-preez-e6fcnpur53a-unsplash.jpg
https://sarahkbutterfield.com/2021/10/06/are-you-tumbling-through-a-hard-season/
Remember, it is healthy to establish boundaries around our God-given desires and responsibilities. It is okay to say no to people; being Christ-like doesn't mean that we must always comply with their wishes.
Picture posted by Seeking Integrity LLC
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjFx91_BSRjZgztoOkUjTvkpyfcEpkXlLwaeGFXnsra6UOWK4eMisYEIJ0EKlJI_TkL31Y0IdcfO_DY04bC-gW3jlI25DbQY0p50d-CCN3dIeZIioMcvcejzx0FcIhnVivHXGa_FNB2llUOK6rmWOf31D6M-BsLlcsKY6PUYBquNG8qX2t9jtzw3hd/s790/shutterstock_1022152408_1.jpg
https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/shutterstock_1022152408.jpg
https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/boundaries-why-we-need-them/
Boundaries bless and protect.
Picture posted by Sukulentler
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https://www.sukulentler.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/134809-cicekli-citler-olusturma-citlerin-uzerinde-buyuyen-cicekler-1536x1152.jpg
https://www.sukulentler.com/cicekli-citler-olusturma-citlerin-uzerinde-buyuyen-cicekler/
Through Lord Jesus Christ we pray. Amen!"
Picture posted by Reddit
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https://i.redd.it/u7gxcvp2yoq61.jpg
https://www.reddit.com/r/enissa/comments/mid7r3/_/
Source (book): "He Walks with Me - Devotions for Your Caregiving Journey with God", PART III "JOURNEYING WITH OTHERS", Chapter 26 "Why we need boundaries", Page 74.
Adapted from books by Shelly Beach: Ambushed By Grace: Help and Hope in the Caregiving Journey, and It Is Well with My Soul.
Other Books (Links)
Reflection - Faithful to the end (Links)
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2017/06/reflection-faithful-to-end-links.html
"Finding rest for the soul" Responding to Jesus' Invitation in Matthew 11:28-29, © 2016 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - Finding rest for the soul (Links)
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2018/10/reflection-finding-rest-for-soul-links.html
"God in Pursuit" Lessons from the Book of Jonah, © 2016 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - God in Pursuit (Links) - PART I-III, posted on Saturday, 10 August 2019
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2019/08/reflection-god-in-pursuit-links-part-i.html
"God in Pursuit" Lessons from the Book of Jonah, © 2016 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - God in Pursuit (Links) - PART IV, posted on Saturday, 10 August 2019
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2019/08/reflection-god-in-pursuit-links-part-iv.html
"Songs of Christmas", The Stories and Significance of 20 Well-Loved Carols, © 2018 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - Songs of Christmas (Links), posted on Friday, 24 April 2020
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2020/04/reflection-songs-of-christmas-links.html
"Growing Old Gracefully", Following Jesus to the End, © 2019 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - Growing Old Gracefully, Part I - III (Links), posted on Wednesday, 09 December 2020
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2020/12/reflection-growing-old-gracefully-part.html
Reflection - Growing Old Gracefully, Part IV - V (Links), posted on Thursday, 22 April 2021
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2020/12/reflection-growing-old-gracefully-part_9.html
"Teach Us to Number Our Days", © 2008 by David Roper
Reflection - Number Our Days, Chapter 1 - 40 (Links), posted on Tuesday, 16 November 2021
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2021/11/reflection-number-our-days-chapter-1-40.html
Reflection - Number Our Days, Chapter 41 - 64 (Links), posted on Wednesday, 16 March 2022
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2022/03/reflection-number-our-days-chapter-41.html
New International Version (NIV), Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Galatians 6:5-7 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians+6%3A5-7&version=NIV
Matthew 11:28-29 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+11%3A28-29&version=NIV
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- https://www.tienvnguyen.net/images/file/C3JgEMCk1ggBAEdj/birdfence-1a.jpg
- https://www.tienvnguyen.net/p154a2027/3/4-muc-do-tinh-tan-chanh-niem-tinh-giac-van-dung-trong-doi-song-hang-ngay
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- https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4571/38843206501_0fe0aa15d3_o.jpg
- https://www.stampcommunity.org/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=58049
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- https://www.incimages.com/uploaded_files/image/1920x1080/getty_1126856471_410708.jpg
- https://www.inc.com/gene-hammett/if-you-struggle-with-setting-boundaries-heres-what-you-should-do.html
- https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-dksmYYcM9FzWbS-YcGjxBWA3wvIUJaPeEO64rdQxEBYQddvLkl_DY09Tg7A1Z7_jiWL_LYXdALUcxbmL1L-hD_fA3GWQA6DejIubnSwjWomIO-3RFjY2qZ0VUsn6AzqReNwaI5kZ0CnbD-oeHgGG5DYGVImVEb4H06yAqFH6dJwHKOXHLl6rwyeW/s647/1558218448-777171-personal-space-animals.jpeg
- https://sorhadi.net/assets/files/2019-05-18/1558218448-777171-personal-space-animals.jpeg
- https://sorhadi.net/d/44738-kisisel-alan-nedir
- https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSTUfporRSMHMMp-GvVnDH5uQovugevZnAwq4J4vaPmYO4dYRn-MWSAE7cxQCifAxqXbPA3Uugy8JEhiDoLfAQoHBglKlkJZ9OG_Oy78wvGWdpUYEVO-ZulRONA6cWOypjE6tFs_FRZDVoXEJbxQAUt1nlvLlkq4L8p1xJVOvmMSKD7U5IdqZD57pw/s750/5d1e05329929d591328851.jpg
- https://welldoing.org/storage/app/uploads/public/5d1/e05/329/5d1e05329929d591328851.jpg
- https://welldoing.org/article/relationship-boundaries-define-us
- https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwkDj2xbpqh2Q6K2XrIX18hTgOXAhE6WiyGy7whwARcxzeP8bQjtjX1H4UrDrPCIugOJ8G1RiAVnG7qfZClaXsQvxpeYHxXlzyBmnM5aGAPUDK2GVtJD5EYiMdWClbR8WCBzx_u7a3G9-278giQRVlqJD3LrDwTa78K_t5NbYEmvRLsccboFjd4z-d/s4288/priscilla-du-preez-e6fcnpur53a-unsplash.jpg
- https://notablysarah.files.wordpress.com/2021/10/priscilla-du-preez-e6fcnpur53a-unsplash.jpg
- https://sarahkbutterfield.com/2021/10/06/are-you-tumbling-through-a-hard-season/
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- https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/shutterstock_1022152408.jpg
- https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/boundaries-why-we-need-them/
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- https://www.sukulentler.com/cicekli-citler-olusturma-citlerin-uzerinde-buyuyen-cicekler/
- https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOB-9PRAl80dDf9XwC6A52QanK_4d4bt6iidJo0QPdFF8DnxZ4MENz53yWaIVorJ3FFBit_NOjsEK5ggiSPMR5ts33a8w6W10wRr4fHqN9l4KTD54ukj9F7Ck7Gs9rur05c0r_hyyIY8E_2YzsGJOqLW8gwiOe3VlGAVOHPLpxHu8JXWcqhFeIB7S_/s2016/u7gxcvp2yoq61.jpg
- https://i.redd.it/u7gxcvp2yoq61.jpg
- https://www.reddit.com/r/enissa/comments/mid7r3/_/
- https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2017/06/reflection-faithful-to-end-links.html