Source (book): "Growing Old Gracefully", Following Jesus to the End, PART III: REDEMPTIVE RELATIONSHIPS, Chapter 18, "Friendship", Question 1, Page 121.
By Robert M. Solomon, Bishop of the Methodist Church in Singapore from 2000 - 2012
By Robert M. Solomon, Bishop of the Methodist Church in Singapore from 2000 - 2012
PHOTO: A famous friendship in the Bible is that of David and Jonathan. Read 1 Samuel 18:1; 19:1-7; 20:1-42; 2 Samuel 1:25-26; 9:1-12. How would you characterise their friendship?
An old man once prayed, "Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference."
In old age, we may or may not remember meeting so many people; some were passing acquaintances, others lingered in our lives longer. Among the latter there would be some we never really got to know and even some we decidedly did not want to know. But there would be a few who have become our true friends.
How do such friendships develop? Friendship has been written about in classical Christian literature, by authors such as Augustine, Thomas Aquianas, Aelred of Rievaulx, and Francis de Sales. They all agree that for healthy and deep friendships to develop, there need to be:
Equality: Human friends need to be on equal terms, and treat each other with dignity and mutual respect. (2 Samuel 1:25-26)
Goodwill: The Greek philosopher Aristotle and others have described false friendships as those sought for personal advantage. True friendships are motivated by goodwill. (1 Samuel 19:1-7; 2 Samuel 9:1-12)
Mutual disclosure: For this to happen, there needs to be mutual trust. Twelfth century English monk Aelred of Rievaulx writes about the trust and goodwill between true friends: "One confides everything to a true friend as if he were his other self". (1 Samuel 18:1; 1 Samuel 20)
Are there implications for any of your friendships?
In everyday conversations, people are generally superficial and task-oriented. Even among friends, conversations can focus more on information than on what weighs on the heart, on facts rather than feelings.
One of the greatest gifts we can give in friendship is that of active listening. Active listening is attentive listening that focuses on feelings. Pity has to do with feeling about the other person; the focus is still on ourselves. Sympathy is better and has to do with feeling with the other person, but we may get entangled with the person's problems and drown in their sorrow. Empathy is the best response, for it has to do with feeling into a person, and we are then able to respond compassionately. When communication involves feelings and when pronouns such as "I", "you", and "we" are used, it means we are communicating with one another deeply.
We must be careful to guard against obstacles that short-circuit the process of active listening and the development of friendship. They are: prejudice, preoccupation, defensiveness, fear, lack of compassion, and so on. The more we overcome these barriers, the more we can become friends.
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A famous friendship in the Bible is that of David and Jonathan. Read 1 Samuel 18:1; 19:1-7; 20:1-42; 2 Samuel 1:25-26; 9:1-12. How would you characterise their friendship? Are there implications for any of your friendships?
A famous friendship in the Bible is that of David and Jonathan. Read 1 Samuel 18:1; 19:1-7; 20:1-42; 2 Samuel 1:25-26; 9:1-12. How would you characterise their friendship? [1]
An old man once prayed, "Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference." [69]
An old man once prayed, "Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference."
In old age, we may or may not remember meeting so many people; some were passing acquaintances, others lingered in our lives longer. Among the latter there would be some we never really got to know and even some we decidedly did not want to know. But there would be a few who have become our true friends.
How do such friendships develop? Friendship has been written about in classical Christian literature, by authors such as Augustine, Thomas Aquianas, Aelred of Rievaulx, and Francis de Sales. They all agree that for healthy and deep friendships to develop, there need to be:
Equality: Human friends need to be on equal terms, and treat each other with dignity and mutual respect. (2 Samuel 1:25-26)
Goodwill: The Greek philosopher Aristotle and others have described false friendships as those sought for personal advantage. True friendships are motivated by goodwill. (1 Samuel 19:1-7; 2 Samuel 9:1-12)
Mutual disclosure: For this to happen, there needs to be mutual trust. Twelfth century English monk Aelred of Rievaulx writes about the trust and goodwill between true friends: "One confides everything to a true friend as if he were his other self". (1 Samuel 18:1; 1 Samuel 20)
Are there implications for any of your friendships?
In everyday conversations, people are generally superficial and task-oriented. Even among friends, conversations can focus more on information than on what weighs on the heart, on facts rather than feelings.
One of the greatest gifts we can give in friendship is that of active listening. Active listening is attentive listening that focuses on feelings. Pity has to do with feeling about the other person; the focus is still on ourselves. Sympathy is better and has to do with feeling with the other person, but we may get entangled with the person's problems and drown in their sorrow. Empathy is the best response, for it has to do with feeling into a person, and we are then able to respond compassionately. When communication involves feelings and when pronouns such as "I", "you", and "we" are used, it means we are communicating with one another deeply.
We must be careful to guard against obstacles that short-circuit the process of active listening and the development of friendship. They are: prejudice, preoccupation, defensiveness, fear, lack of compassion, and so on. The more we overcome these barriers, the more we can become friends.
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A famous friendship in the Bible is that of David and Jonathan. Read 1 Samuel 18:1; 19:1-7; 20:1-42; 2 Samuel 1:25-26; 9:1-12. How would you characterise their friendship? Are there implications for any of your friendships?
A famous friendship in the Bible is that of David and Jonathan. Read 1 Samuel 18:1; 19:1-7; 20:1-42; 2 Samuel 1:25-26; 9:1-12. How would you characterise their friendship? [1]
An old man once prayed, "Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference." [69]
PHOTO: An old man once prayed, "Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference."
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In old age, we may or may not remember meeting so many people; some were passing acquaintances, others lingered in our lives longer. Among the latter there would be some we never really got to know and even some we decidedly did not want to know. But there would be a few who have become our true friends.
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In old age, we may or may not remember meeting so many people; some were passing acquaintances, others lingered in our lives longer. Among the latter there would be some we never really got to know and even some we decidedly did not want to know. But there would be a few who have become our true friends.
PHOTO: In old age, we may or may not remember meeting so many people; some were passing acquaintances, others lingered in our lives longer. Among the latter there would be some we never really got to know and even some we decidedly did not want to know. But there would be a few who have become our true friends.
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How do such friendships develop? Friendship has been written about in classical Christian literature, by authors such as Augustine, Thomas Aquianas, Aelred of Rievaulx, and Francis de Sales. [70] They all agree that for healthy and deep friendships to develop, there need to be:
Equality: Human friends need to be on equal terms, and treat each other with dignity and mutual respect. (2 Samuel 1:25-26)
Picture posted by Qatar Tribune on 10 July 2017 - For many, friends are key to happiness in old age
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How do such friendships develop? Friendship has been written about in classical Christian literature, by authors such as Augustine, Thomas Aquianas, Aelred of Rievaulx, and Francis de Sales. [70] They all agree that for healthy and deep friendships to develop, there need to be:
Equality: Human friends need to be on equal terms, and treat each other with dignity and mutual respect. (2 Samuel 1:25-26)
PHOTO: For healthy and deep friendships to develop, there need to be 'Equality'. Human friends need to be on equal terms, and treat each other with dignity and mutual respect.
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Goodwill: The Greek philosopher Aristotle and others have described false friendships as those sought for personal advantage. True friendships are motivated by goodwill. (1 Samuel 19:1-7; 2 Samuel 9:1-12)
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Goodwill: The Greek philosopher Aristotle and others have described false friendships as those sought for personal advantage. True friendships are motivated by goodwill. (1 Samuel 19:1-7; 2 Samuel 9:1-12)
PHOTO: Developing friendships require 'Goodwill'. The Greek philosopher Aristotle and others have described false friendships as those sought for personal advantage. True friendships are motivated by goodwill.
Picture posted by Star, Simplified on 14 December 2008
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Mutual disclosure: For this to happen, there needs to be mutual trust. Twelfth century English monk Aelred of Rievaulx writes about the trust and goodwill between true friends: "One confides everything to a true friend as if he were his other self". [71] (1 Samuel 18:1; 1 Samuel 20)
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Mutual disclosure: For this to happen, there needs to be mutual trust. Twelfth century English monk Aelred of Rievaulx writes about the trust and goodwill between true friends: "One confides everything to a true friend as if he were his other self". [71] (1 Samuel 18:1; 1 Samuel 20)
PHOTO: There needs to be mutual trust to develop 'Mutual disclosure'. Twelfth century English monk Aelred of Rievaulx writes about the trust and goodwill between true friends: "One confides everything to a true friend as if he were his other self".
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Are there implications for any of your friendships? [1]
In everyday conversations, people are generally superficial and task-oriented. Even among friends, conversations can focus more on information than on what weighs on the heart, on facts rather than feelings.
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https://www.luulla.com/product/691846/two-sisters-for-pawan
Are there implications for any of your friendships? [1]
In everyday conversations, people are generally superficial and task-oriented. Even among friends, conversations can focus more on information than on what weighs on the heart, on facts rather than feelings.
PHOTO: In everyday conversations, people are generally superficial and task-oriented. Even among friends, conversations can focus more on information than on what weighs on the heart, on facts rather than feelings.
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https://www.family-central.sg/news-articles/conversation-starters-with-elderly-parents/
One of the greatest gifts we can give in friendship is that of active listening. Active listening is attentive listening that focuses on feelings. Pity has to do with feeling about the other person; the focus is still on ourselves. Sympathy is better and has to do with feeling with the other person, but we may get entangled with the person's problems and drown in their sorrow. Empathy is the best response, for it has to do with feeling into a person, and we are then able to respond compassionately. When communication involves feelings and when pronouns such as "I", "you", and "we" are used, it means we are communicating with one another deeply.
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https://www.family-central.sg/news-articles/conversation-starters-with-elderly-parents/
One of the greatest gifts we can give in friendship is that of active listening. Active listening is attentive listening that focuses on feelings. Pity has to do with feeling about the other person; the focus is still on ourselves. Sympathy is better and has to do with feeling with the other person, but we may get entangled with the person's problems and drown in their sorrow. Empathy is the best response, for it has to do with feeling into a person, and we are then able to respond compassionately. When communication involves feelings and when pronouns such as "I", "you", and "we" are used, it means we are communicating with one another deeply.
PHOTO: One of the greatest gifts we can give in friendship is that of active listening. Active listening is attentive listening that focuses on feelings. Empathy is the best response, for it has to do with feeling into a person, and we are then able to respond compassionately.
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We must be careful to guard against obstacles that short-circuit the process of active listening and the development of friendship. They are: prejudice, preoccupation, defensiveness, fear, lack of compassion, and so on. The more we overcome these barriers, the more we can become friends.
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We must be careful to guard against obstacles that short-circuit the process of active listening and the development of friendship. They are: prejudice, preoccupation, defensiveness, fear, lack of compassion, and so on. The more we overcome these barriers, the more we can become friends.
PHOTO: We must be careful to guard against obstacles that short-circuit the process of active listening and the development of friendship. They are: prejudice, preoccupation, defensiveness, fear, lack of compassion, and so on. The more we overcome these barriers, the more we can become friends.
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PHOTO: "Dear Lord, help us have the characteristics to develop healthy and deep friendships.
We need the following. ‘Equality’ for us to be on equal terms, and treat each other with dignity and mutual respect. ‘Goodwill’ as it motivates true friendship, and not false friendships which sought for personal advantage. ‘Mutual disclosure’ which need mutual trust and goodwill between true friends, so that we can confide everything to each other as if he is our other self.
We learn that there are implications for friendships. In everyday conversations, we are generally superficial and task-oriented. Even among friends, conversations can focus more on information than on what weighs on the heart, on facts rather than feelings.
Lord, help us to give one of the greatest gifts we can give in friendship which is active listening. Help us to listen actively with the focus on feelings. Feelings like pity has to do with feeling about the other person; but the focus is still on ourselves. Sympathy is better and has to do with feeling with the other person, but we may get entangled with the person's problems and drown in their sorrow. We need empathy because it is the best response, for it has to do with feeling into a person, and we are then able to respond compassionately.
May our communication involves feelings and using pronouns such as ‘I’, ‘you’, and ‘we’, so that we can communicate with each other deeply.
Help us to be careful to guard against obstacles that destroy the process of active listening and the development of friendship. Especially help us to overcome prejudice, preoccupation, defensiveness, fear, and lack of compassion. The more we overcome these barriers, the more we can become friends.
Through Lord Jesus Christ we pray. Amen!"
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We need the following. ‘Equality’ for us to be on equal terms, and treat each other with dignity and mutual respect. ‘Goodwill’ as it motivates true friendship, and not false friendships which sought for personal advantage. ‘Mutual disclosure’ which need mutual trust and goodwill between true friends, so that we can confide everything to each other as if he is our other self.
We learn that there are implications for friendships. In everyday conversations, we are generally superficial and task-oriented. Even among friends, conversations can focus more on information than on what weighs on the heart, on facts rather than feelings.
Lord, help us to give one of the greatest gifts we can give in friendship which is active listening. Help us to listen actively with the focus on feelings. Feelings like pity has to do with feeling about the other person; but the focus is still on ourselves. Sympathy is better and has to do with feeling with the other person, but we may get entangled with the person's problems and drown in their sorrow. We need empathy because it is the best response, for it has to do with feeling into a person, and we are then able to respond compassionately.
May our communication involves feelings and using pronouns such as ‘I’, ‘you’, and ‘we’, so that we can communicate with each other deeply.
Help us to be careful to guard against obstacles that destroy the process of active listening and the development of friendship. Especially help us to overcome prejudice, preoccupation, defensiveness, fear, and lack of compassion. The more we overcome these barriers, the more we can become friends.
Through Lord Jesus Christ we pray. Amen!"
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Reflection - Redemptive Relationships - Friendship
Source (book): "Growing Old Gracefully", Following Jesus to the End, PART III: REDEMPTIVE RELATIONSHIPS, Chapter 18, "Friendship", Question 1, Page 121.
By Robert M. Solomon, Bishop of the Methodist Church in Singapore from 2000 - 2012
Source (book): "Growing Old Gracefully", Following Jesus to the End, PART III: REDEMPTIVE RELATIONSHIPS, Chapter 18, "Friendship", Question 1, Page 121.
By Robert M. Solomon, Bishop of the Methodist Church in Singapore from 2000 - 2012
Also from the same author, Robert M. Solomon
"Faithful to the end", A Preacher's Exposition of 2 Timothy, @ 2014 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - Faithful to the end (Links)
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2017/06/reflection-faithful-to-end-links.html
"Finding rest for the soul" Responding to Jesus' Invitation in Matthew 11:28-29, © 2016 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - Finding rest for the soul (Links)
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2018/10/reflection-finding-rest-for-soul-links.html
"God in Pursuit" Lessons from the Book of Jonah, © 2016 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - God in Pursuit (Links) - PART I-III, posted on Saturday, 10 August 2019
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2019/08/reflection-god-in-pursuit-links-part-i.html
"God in Pursuit" Lessons from the Book of Jonah, © 2016 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - God in Pursuit (Links) - PART IV, posted on Saturday, 10 August 2019
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2019/08/reflection-god-in-pursuit-links-part-iv.html
"Songs of Christmas", The Stories and Significance of 20 Well-Loved Carols, © 2018 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - Songs of Christmas (Links), posted on Friday, 24 April 2020
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2020/04/reflection-songs-of-christmas-links.html
Reflection - Faithful to the end (Links)
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2017/06/reflection-faithful-to-end-links.html
"Finding rest for the soul" Responding to Jesus' Invitation in Matthew 11:28-29, © 2016 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - Finding rest for the soul (Links)
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2018/10/reflection-finding-rest-for-soul-links.html
"God in Pursuit" Lessons from the Book of Jonah, © 2016 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - God in Pursuit (Links) - PART I-III, posted on Saturday, 10 August 2019
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2019/08/reflection-god-in-pursuit-links-part-i.html
"God in Pursuit" Lessons from the Book of Jonah, © 2016 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - God in Pursuit (Links) - PART IV, posted on Saturday, 10 August 2019
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2019/08/reflection-god-in-pursuit-links-part-iv.html
"Songs of Christmas", The Stories and Significance of 20 Well-Loved Carols, © 2018 by Robert M. Solomon
Reflection - Songs of Christmas (Links), posted on Friday, 24 April 2020
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2020/04/reflection-songs-of-christmas-links.html
Reference
[1] From "Growing Old Gracefully", Following Jesus to the End, Copyright © 2019 by Robert M. Solomon, ISBN 978-981-14-1836-5, PART III: REDEMPTIVE RELATIONSHIPS, Chapter 18, "Friendship", Page 117-120.
[69] "The Senility Prayer", Beliefnet, accessed 18 December 2018, http://www.beliefnet.com/inspiration/2001/01/senility-prayer.aspx.
[70] See Maria Josephine McErlane, "Friendship according to Augustine", Review for Religious 41, no. 4 (July-August 1982): 596-604; St. Thomas Aquinas, trans. Thomas Gilby, Theological Texts (London: Oxford University Press, 1955) 208-211; Aelred of Rievaulx, Spiritual Friendship, ed. Marsha L. Durton, trans. Lawrence C. Braceland, Cistercian Fathers Series, no. 5 (Kalamazoo: Cistercian, 1977); Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life, trans. John K. Ryan (New York: Harper and Row, 1966), pt. 3, chap. 17-22.
[71] Aelred of Rievaulx, Spiritual Friendship, ed. Marsha L. Dutton, trans. Lawrence C. Braceland (Collegeville, MN: Liturgical Press, 2010) 112-113.
New International Version (NIV), Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
[69] "The Senility Prayer", Beliefnet, accessed 18 December 2018, http://www.beliefnet.com/inspiration/2001/01/senility-prayer.aspx.
[70] See Maria Josephine McErlane, "Friendship according to Augustine", Review for Religious 41, no. 4 (July-August 1982): 596-604; St. Thomas Aquinas, trans. Thomas Gilby, Theological Texts (London: Oxford University Press, 1955) 208-211; Aelred of Rievaulx, Spiritual Friendship, ed. Marsha L. Durton, trans. Lawrence C. Braceland, Cistercian Fathers Series, no. 5 (Kalamazoo: Cistercian, 1977); Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life, trans. John K. Ryan (New York: Harper and Row, 1966), pt. 3, chap. 17-22.
[71] Aelred of Rievaulx, Spiritual Friendship, ed. Marsha L. Dutton, trans. Lawrence C. Braceland (Collegeville, MN: Liturgical Press, 2010) 112-113.
New International Version (NIV), Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
1 Samuel 18:1; 19:1-7; 20:1-42 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Samuel+18%3A1%3B+19%3A1-7%3B+20%3A1-42&version=NIV
1 Samuel 18:1 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Samuel+18%3A1&version=NIV
1 Samuel 19:1-7 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Samuel+19%3A1-7&version=NIV
1 Samuel 20 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Samuel+20&version=NIV
2 Samuel 1:25-26; 9:1-12 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Samuel+1%3A25-26%3B+9%3A1-12&version=NIV
2 Samuel 1:25-26 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Samuel+1%3A25-26&version=NIV
2 Samuel 9:1-12 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Samuel+9%3A1-12&version=NIV
Matthew 11:28-29 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+11%3A28-29&version=NIV
1 Samuel 18:1 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Samuel+18%3A1&version=NIV
1 Samuel 19:1-7 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Samuel+19%3A1-7&version=NIV
1 Samuel 20 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Samuel+20&version=NIV
2 Samuel 1:25-26; 9:1-12 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Samuel+1%3A25-26%3B+9%3A1-12&version=NIV
2 Samuel 1:25-26 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Samuel+1%3A25-26&version=NIV
2 Samuel 9:1-12 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Samuel+9%3A1-12&version=NIV
Matthew 11:28-29 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+11%3A28-29&version=NIV
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