By Cheryl Chan, CLEO Singapore, Asiaone, 12 November 2019
PHOTO: Pixabay
Picture posted by Cheryl Chan, CLEO Singapore, Asiaone on 12 November 2019
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https://www.asiaone.com/lifestyle/ive-been-single-last-8-years-and-no-theres-nothing-wrong-me
Here's a perspective you don't get to hear often when it comes to love: There's nothing wrong with you if you've been single for an extended period of time.
I should know because I'm 30 this year and I've been single for the past eight years of my life. And of those eight, four of those years have breezed past without me going on as much as a single date. No casual coffees, no after-work drinks, but hey, no dating anxiety either.
Before you collectively gasp and recoil in horror, I'm-spoiler alert-perfectly fine! Sure, there are pros and cons to my particular situation. I do miss having a consistent sex life.
Picture posted by Sophie Hong on 13 February 2019
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https://www.cleo.com.sg/adulting/love-notes-this-is-not-a-dating-column/
That really dwindles down when you don't proactively date. I also miss the emotional intimacy and a reliable partner to just do mundane stuff with like going to the movies or trying out a new restaurant together.
But call me selfish, at the same time I really relish being able to figure out my own life…without having to consider anyone else.
Of course, there are days where I'm inundated with thoughts of inadequacy and question whether I am worthy of being loved, but just like any other thoughts brought on by insecurity-they pass. I can't change the fact that everyone around me is coupled up, but I can change my reaction towards it.
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It's not that I am relationship-phobic or allergic to commitment. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I love connecting with people. So much so, that I'm unwilling to put in that sort of time and energy on lacklustre relationships.
It's not loneliness that makes being alone unbearable. It's accepting the fact that of the 7 billion people in the world, not a single soul thinks you're good enough to be with.
Picture posted by Whisper
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http://whisper.sh/whisper/05277d6e5fab03adacc4a1a03d13b19bdadf3e/Its-not-loneliness-that-makes-being-alone-unbearable-Its-accepting-t
I'm selective even when it comes to letting friends into my life, so why shouldn't it be any less when it comes to a romantic partner?
At the end of the day, being single feels like my default mode. It's what's familiar to me. I'm not single due to the lack of opportunity, but rather by choice. It's not that I don't want a partner ever, but at this point, I'm not actively seeking one.
Picture posted by Swan-Lake on 03 June 2016 - Spring soul IX
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https://www.deviantart.com/swan-lake/art/Spring-soul-IX-612793149
The funny thing is, I feel more "me" when I'm single. Maybe it was because I felt the pressure to perform and be the idealised version of myself in past relationships. Perhaps I didn't have the confidence than to truly be myself either. But I know better now.
If you happen to be a long term singleton like myself, either by choice or not, I just want to say it's ok.
Picture posted by Whisper
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http://whisper.sh/whisper/051468cb18cf3c1083480e657bc9319d51bf7e/Time-to-accept-that-Ill-never-find-someone-who-will-love-me-Should-ge
You don't need to prove your empowerment by posting articles on social media extolling the positives of singledom nor do you need to actively swipe or feel compelled to go out and do things because "wellllll, you never know who you could meet."
Being single isn't something you need to wear as a badge of honour or a scarlet letter. To me, my marital status (or lack thereof) isn't something I tie super intensively to my identity as a person.
Picture posted by afamjaowy on 10 June 2014
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https://www.deviantart.com/afamjaowy/art/-459831833
It's just one part of me, much like my career, friendships, family, interests or personality.
Until then, unless I meet someone awesome whom I'm willing to make changes in my life for, I'm just going to do me and continue to sleep in the middle of the bed.
Picture uploaded by Nisreen Be
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https://i.pinimg.com/originals/cd/cc/28/cdcc28bef3a7fb53d8f8e8142c79766e.jpg
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Single people are therefore likely to struggle with loneliness and sexual temptation. Some will seek to lessen them by getting married. Others will either choose not to marry or will feel unable to because of their circumstances, personality, or sexual attraction. They are likely to face a lifelong battle with loneliness and sexual temptation.
Keep your eyes fixed on heaven. It is our eternal relationship with Christ that ultimately matters. [2]
Picture posted by 🎨🌹Gina 101 Creative🌹🎨 saved to Gina 101 Creative Animations
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🎨🌹Gina 101 Creative🌹🎨 - Romantic waterfall
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🎨🌹Gina 101 Creative🌹🎨 - Romantic waterfall
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This article was first published in CLEO Singapore.
[2] Vaughan Roberts , 4 Things God Says to Singles, posted on 02 September 2014, https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/four-things-god-says-singles/
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- https://www.asiaone.com/sites/default/files/original_images/Nov2019/20191112_silhouette_pixabay.jpg
- https://www.asiaone.com/lifestyle/ive-been-single-last-8-years-and-no-theres-nothing-wrong-me
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- https://media.cleo.com.sg/2019/01/CLEO-Love-Notes_SHIAN_main-721x1024.jpg
- https://www.cleo.com.sg/adulting/love-notes-this-is-not-a-dating-column/
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- http://whisper.sh/whisper/05277d6e5fab03adacc4a1a03d13b19bdadf3e/Its-not-loneliness-that-makes-being-alone-unbearable-Its-accepting-t
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