Friday, December 3, 2021

Reflection - Number Our Days - Learning to Listen

Source (book): "Teach Us to Number Our Days", Chapter 43, "Learning to Listen", Page 195.
By David Roper, Pastor, and regular and popular writer for Our Daily Bread.


A wise old owl sat in an oak
PHOTO: A wise old owl sat in an oak,
The more he heard, the less he spoke;
The less he spoke, the more he heard;
Why aren't we all like that wise old bird?

Renè Descarte, the sixteenth-century philosopher, said, "I think, therefore I am." Sarah, our granddaughter, says, "You are, therefore I talk." Silence has never been golden to Sarah.

Some years ago I was sitting in our family room trying to read a Time magazine while, at the same time, Sarah was trying to carry on a conversation with me. To my shame I was paying little attention, responding to her comments with an occasional grunt.

Finally in exasperation she crawled into my lap and got in my face. "Papa," she shouted, "are you listening to me?"

"Sarah," I confessed, putting down my magazine, "I haven't been listening well. Forgive me. I'll listen to you now."

My commitment to Sarah is one that I want to keep on other occasions as well. It's one of the gifts "of what remains" that I can give to others - to talk less and listen better. As Frasier Crane would say, "I'm listening" - or, to be more honest, I'm trying to learn how to listen.

I want to listen well so that when I finish a conversation, others will walk away knowing there's at least one person in this care-less world who has some inkling of what they're doing, thinking, and feeling. I want to hear the hushed undertones of their hearts. I want them to know that I care.

Listening, however, doesn't come easy for me. For years I was paid to talk; I was a "word monger" to borrow Augustine of Hippo's apt description of a teacher. It comes as a revelation to me that I can do more with my ears now that I can with my mouth.

In her book Listening to Others, Joyce Huggett relates her experiences of listening to suffering people. She says they often talk about all she's done for them. "On many occasions," she writes, "I have not 'done' anything. I have 'just listened.' I quickly came to the conclusion that 'just listening' was indeed an effective way of helping others."

This was the help Job's wordy, would-be friends failed to give him. They were "miserable comforters," he complained. "'Oh, that I had someone to hear me!'''

Job is not alone in his longing. All human beings want to be heard, and listening is one of the best ways in the world to love others. Listening says, "You matter to me." (Job 16:2; 31:35)

Kenneth Grahame's Badger in The Wind in the Willows knew how to do it.

He sat in his arm-chair at the head of the table,
and nodded gravely at intervals as the animals
told their story; and he did not seem surprised
or shocked at anything, and he never said, "I
told you so," or, "Just what I always said," or
remarked that they ought to have done so-and-
so, or ought to have done something else. The
Mole began to feel very friendly towards him.

Listening is a lost art these days. We don't listen well and we aren't used to being listened to. Most of our words simply disappear into the air.

I have a friend who, when he goes to noisy parties and people ask how he's doing, on occasion has replied quietly, "My business went belly-up this week, the bank foreclosed on my house, my wife left me, and I have terminal cancer." "Wonderful!" one man murmured, as he pumped my friend's hand and moved on. I keep wondering if I've done something similar to others.

Some years ago I came across the following advice about listening - which I'm still in the process of learning and applying:
  • When I'm thinking about an answer while others are talking - I'm not listening.
  • When I give unsolicited advice - I'm not listening. (Unsolicited advice always sounds like criticism.)
  • When I suggest they shouldn't feel the way they do - I'm not listening.
  • When I apply a quick fix to their problems - I'm not listening.
  • When I fail to acknowledge their feelings - I'm not listening.
  • When I fidget, glance at my watch, and appear to be rushed - I'm not listening.
  • When I fail to maintain eye contact - I'm not listening.
  • When I don't ask follow-up questions - I'm not listening.
  • When I top their story with a bigger, better story of my own - I'm not listening.
  • When they share a difficult experience and I counter with one of my own - I'm not listening.
Listening is hard work, and most of us are unwilling to put in the time - and time is the operative word. Listening means setting aside our own timetable and tendency to hurry on to our next destination. It means settling into a relaxed, unhurried, leisurely pace. "Only in the ambiance of leisure," Eugene Peterson writes, "do persons know they are listened to with absolute seriousness, treated with dignity and importance."

In leisure we regard other's interest as more important than ours. (Philippians 2:3) In leisure we say, "You are more significant than anything I have to do right now. You are the only one who counts, the one for whom I am willing to forgo my other obligations, appointments, and meetings. I have time for you." In leisure, we listen long enough to hear the other person's true heart so that if we do speak, we speak with wisdom.

A leisurely pace, a listening ear, a loving heart. May you and I, by God's grace, acquire them.
 

A wise old owl sat in an oak,
The more he heard, the less he spoke;
The less he spoke, the more he heard;
Why aren't we all like that wise old bird?


A wise old owl sat in an oak
PHOTO: A wise old owl sat in an oak,
The more he heard, the less he spoke;
The less he spoke, the more he heard;
Why aren't we all like that wise old bird?
Illustration by Chris Dunn - A Wise Old Owl
Picture posted by CENİN on Friday, 15 January 2021 at 12:06 am
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj2zEntqx2lD3Gcd3WsTWabzwv4wwPhalCE_tzWvgQyUibb04xHPDJ7Mn7LK9fn6W5TQZA7SdqCzHOCMs1hQ7wt17sxpaXz3vrLT8cIGNKggRpFIpv0xmBQMGgwvqA6DieAdSiZeXoTeCrKqLeuWqwz4yPPSV2V-QK6UtUc5fBrbKRP7NKLYQovuBaA=s1478
https://scontent.fsin9-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/139018232_10158018559877934_3033017916402004578_n.jpg?_nc_cat=109&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=8sAuD2kPeiQAX-JzNhk&_nc_ht=scontent.fsin9-2.fna&oh=cf3d0cde8c709c80fd5c8f532cbecb5a&oe=61CDB677
https://www.facebook.com/CeninArt/photos/a.10150870226552934/10158018559872934/?type=3


Renè Descarte, the sixteenth-century philosopher, said, "I think, therefore I am." Sarah, our granddaughter, says, "You are, therefore I talk." Silence has never been golden to Sarah.

Some years ago I was sitting in our family room trying to read a Time magazine while, at the same time, Sarah was trying to carry on a conversation with me. To my shame I was paying little attention, responding to her comments with an occasional grunt.

Finally in exasperation she crawled into my lap and got in my face. "Papa," she shouted, "are you listening to me?"


Finally in exasperation Sarah, his granddaughter, crawled into his lap and got in his face.
PHOTO: Finally in exasperation Sarah, his granddaughter, crawled into his lap and got in his face. "Papa," she shouted, "are you listening to me?"
Photoshop from picture posted by Mom and Bobby, taken on 21 February 2009 - Papa and Sarah
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhh442DdQs3tonc0k8X1Yy7lzDn_rQQGHTuteU-wwJpqu20DuGPEzwx250g-y80Qe2UvXGVUO_gltasyx03rn5cDGW9qHoxfVxKumhcA2ykaGX0L-mnwk4itQL-HijQiiEHcuKc_r2x8bomemOuq8TUxNMwAWXk0cKAL58r5C3XBSi_6RqSPIJdO5i3=s2048
https://live.staticflickr.com/3599/3394669073_c128890bfa_k.jpg
https://www.flickr.com/photos/27517227@N04/3394669073/


"Sarah," I confessed, putting down my magazine, "I haven't been listening well. Forgive me. I'll listen to you now."

My commitment to Sarah is one that I want to keep on other occasions as well. It's one of the gifts "of what remains" [221] that I can give to others - to talk less and listen better. As Frasier Crane would say, "I'm listening" - or, to be more honest, I'm trying to learn how to listen.


The gifts 'of what remains' that we can give to others - to talk less and listen better.
PHOTO: The gifts "of what remains" that we can give to others - to talk less and listen better. As Frasier Crane would say, "I'm listening" - or, to be more honest, I'm trying to learn how to listen.
Picture posted by Funart.pro
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiqgHLECqjpltzCmQTRAdbt_RAUYFe8m0S8eJO6ssCs5wt8j4ipBcdFGZ43jMsJETtXcPrxuP0Nc_AFkrS_YFAD2inaErmc_Pc-26b0cAAgrHEpakZD2l0kmZHTvA77L44vDix1SWQiFxNXLx5vxYOvkruzA_j_GUEJNhAfSi0d4T69jWokRtW3Q2IG=s2048
https://funart.pro/uploads/posts/2021-07/1625833522_30-funart-pro-p-polosataya-ribnaya-sova-zhivotnie-krasivo-32.jpg
https://funart.pro/30852-polosataja-rybnaja-sova-33-foto.html


I want to listen well so that when I finish a conversation, others will walk away knowing there's at least one person in this care-less world who has some inkling of what they're doing, thinking, and feeling. I want to hear the hushed undertones of their hearts. I want them to know that I care.

Listening, however, doesn't come easy for me. For years I was paid to talk; I was a "word monger" to borrow Augustine of Hippo's apt description of a teacher. It comes as a revelation to me that I can do more with my ears now that I can with my mouth.


I want to listen well so that when I finish a conversation, others will walk away knowing there's at least one person in this care-less world who has some inkling of what they're doing, thinking, and feeling.
PHOTO: I want to listen well so that when I finish a conversation, others will walk away knowing there's at least one person in this care-less world who has some inkling of what they're doing, thinking, and feeling. I want to hear the hushed undertones of their hearts. I want them to know that I care.
I want to do more with my ears now that I can with my mouth.
Picture posted by Erik Gauger, Notes from the road - outside the Barthélemy Cheese Shop
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiHGjL_VD0o8PKnNtWoovVYgTabZm3ecQmj8voZTqEdNqyGy7GMEXG--na2KXO5jPbw-2EPTcXIiq2H0WHTh0WwHrq5L-Y80MYNyi_VzgyaglWmZOsNf7dNl3bvUtME-NTv9C5H_H9YYZYQbN61yh3ApslFUMB2acwYjwKO6kXK0bZhZ_fwHAkEusFY=s665
https://www.notesfromtheroad.com/files/french-guys.jpg
https://www.notesfromtheroad.com/europa/paris-journal.html


In her book Listening to Others, Joyce Huggett relates her experiences of listening to suffering people. She says they often talk about all she's done for them. "On many occasions," she writes, "I have not 'done' anything. I have 'just listened.' I quickly came to the conclusion that 'just listening' was indeed an effective way of helping others."

This was the help Job's wordy, would-be friends failed to give him. They were "miserable comforters," he complained. "'Oh, that I had someone to hear me!'''

Job is not alone in his longing. All human beings want to be heard, and listening is one of the best ways in the world to love others. Listening says, "You matter to me." (Job 16:2; 31:35) [222]


Just listening is indeed an effective way of helping others.
PHOTO: Just listening is indeed an effective way of helping others. Otherwise we can become 'miserable comforters' to those who need someone to hear them.
All human beings want to be heard, and listening is one of the best ways in the world to love others. Listening says, "You matter to me." (Job 16:2; 31:35)
Picture posted by Bryan Wolfmueller
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgJhpc6_4xvGs_GxaDkjJmB1DJnb4018EL1TcGk8V8fTfixUavDWjLNcEtc_5rA3igJC0tArt9b8fx9j2_P4SmCudYRdPJeItNrAD7ZWg8VI5HBV2u9gj9ULSsSSNRdyihOOR4ecHCcu3A_0Wk1hOlS147DoSiU6iSn1QwGekKd7JxMYYXjyRvPI1GQ=s960
https://i1.wp.com/wolfmueller.co/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/job-bible1-1.gif
https://wolfmueller.co/goeglein-on-temptation/job-bible1/


Kenneth Grahame's Badger in The Wind in the Willows knew how to do it.

He sat in his arm-chair at the head of the table,
and nodded gravely at intervals as the animals
told their story; and he did not seem surprised
or shocked at anything, and he never said, "I
told you so," or, "Just what I always said," or
remarked that they ought to have done so-and-
so, or ought to have done something else. The
Mole began to feel very friendly towards him.


Kenneth Grahame's Badger in The Wind in the Willows
PHOTO: Kenneth Grahame's Badger in The Wind in the Willows
He never said, "I told you so," or, "Just what I always said," or remarked that they ought to have done so-and-so, or ought to have done something else. He nodded gravely at intervals as the animals told their story; and he did not seem surprised or shocked at anything.
Picture posted by Maïté Chatadieu - Chris Dunn Illustration, The Wind in the Willows
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhik24mRXaC8rvJ5QV0x1Xu3RoawvXp7IXi5Oy06zdgTajEzvQsSTsw99Vt_MIwierGIk4revHwlSM96phx1X65DT25oBTAr_xuvQf46ApUz9NJaMnOKcOUBWmapzIBGJBRJQnTnYtde8CcBMIkcvwDLTU-gSNr2d9fJ1_YiPYng7HyLFAt3Rc17hrF=s1800
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/7b/76/f6/7b76f632cc8f66cf7ee7c37291b46e31.jpg
https://gr.pinterest.com/pin/454722893631243706/
https://gr.pinterest.com/rosemels/wind-in-the-willows/


Listening is a lost art these days. We don't listen well and we aren't used to being listened to. Most of our words simply disappear into the air.

I have a friend who, when he goes to noisy parties and people ask how he's doing, on occasion has replied quietly, "My business went belly-up this week, the bank foreclosed on my house, my wife left me, and I have terminal cancer." "Wonderful!" one man murmured, as he pumped my friend's hand and moved on. I keep wondering if I've done something similar to others.


Listening is a lost art these days. We don't listen well and we aren't used to being listened to.
PHOTO: Listening is a lost art these days. We don't listen well and we aren't used to being listened to. Most of our words simply disappear into the air.
Picture posted by Chris Dunn, Illustrator & Fine Artist on Saturday, 28 December 2019 at 11:24
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjkg2hykPTQAVIVr8I_XyI5ApoRcA9G8Ua-RVLKWLu-JBDhdrAyQ5fhp3nK2Nx5snscIKB2MCYx17aWXr2cclw6S84d2o0IyMOZvSxyGQ0AplaBOvZbQbWAAt3Fkc5qX3-952I0AlrjmQPGpURImuqG-hpYYRVGxFvb3CTv_z5UjIcDGBjDvEny8LGd=s1770
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcTy1WNecuq10RIGBDS2nP2HNrZa-i8bE_xIZB0zmWQpxBLboNG_wmhoNT28oHKSIWO6DnoXSxqf7s2r30JkFu92PpeWQ1f7xmkppWCdG1lJOklLS0oDBqrLs_uUepbxwp9bUmTD865fU/s1600/Telling+Tales+Final+FB.jpg
http://chrisdunnillustration.blogspot.com/2019/12/telling-tales-and-other-artworks.html


Some years ago I came across the following advice about listening - which I'm still in the process of learning and applying:
  • When I'm thinking about an answer while others are talking - I'm not listening.
  • When I give unsolicited advice - I'm not listening. (Unsolicited advice always sounds like criticism.)
  • When I suggest they shouldn't feel the way they do - I'm not listening.
  • When I apply a quick fix to their problems - I'm not listening.
  • When I fail to acknowledge their feelings - I'm not listening.
  • When I fidget, glance at my watch, and appear to be rushed - I'm not listening.
  • When I fail to maintain eye contact - I'm not listening.
  • When I don't ask follow-up questions - I'm not listening.
  • When I top their story with a bigger, better story of my own - I'm not listening.
  • When they share a difficult experience and I counter with one of my own - I'm not listening.


The above advice about listening - which we may still be in the process of learning and applying.
PHOTO: The above advice about listening - which we may still be in the process of learning and applying. 


Listening is hard work, and most of us are unwilling to put in the time - and time is the operative word. Listening means setting aside our own timetable and tendency to hurry on to our next destination. It means settling into a relaxed, unhurried, leisurely pace. "Only in the ambiance of leisure," Eugene Peterson writes, "do persons know they are listened to with absolute seriousness, treated with dignity and importance."


Listening is hard work, and most of us are unwilling to put in the time - and time is the operative word.
PHOTO: Listening is hard work, and most of us are unwilling to put in the time - and time is the operative word. Listening means setting aside our own timetable and tendency to hurry on to our next destination. It means settling into a relaxed, unhurried, leisurely pace. Only in the ambiance of leisure, do persons know they are listened to with absolute seriousness, treated with dignity and importance.
Picture posted by Chris Dunn, Illustrator & Fine Artist on Saturday, 28 December 2019 at 11:24
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVoM6LMdVDJJM7YRQKJhdtV7lTbgVN45owIXP2gLZ8GEa5WUDrMPaeZZ5Q5mkavoeQ5fY3L9mCv8GVeiwDHFFI2SC275kg26JxfI9uVvuRVck3BMdJi5Fh-ufgZLDbfBbmew4LzHCquPw/s1600/Nice+Morning+Ma%2527am+Sample.jpg
http://chrisdunnillustration.blogspot.com/2019/12/telling-tales-and-other-artworks.html


In leisure we regard other's interest as more important than ours. (Philippians 2:3) [223] In leisure we say, "You are more significant than anything I have to do right now. You are the only one who counts, the one for whom I am willing to forgo my other obligations, appointments, and meetings. I have time for you." In leisure, we listen long enough to hear the other person's true heart so that if we do speak, we speak with wisdom.


In leisure we regard other's interest as more important than ours.
PHOTO: In leisure we regard other's interest as more important than ours. (Philippians 2:3)  In leisure we say, "You are more significant than anything I have to do right now. You are the only one who counts, the one for whom I am willing to forgo my other obligations, appointments, and meetings. I have time for you." In leisure, we listen long enough to hear the other person's true heart so that if we do speak, we speak with wisdom.
Picture posted by dimpleonmychin on 10 March 2018
PHOTO: A leisurely pace, a listening ear, a loving heart. May you and I, by God's grace, acquire them.
Artwork by Chris Dunn, Illustrator & Fine Artist
Picture posted by The Telegraph and Argus
PHOTO: "Dear Lord, we learn that we are not like the wise old owl which sat in an oak. The more he heard, the less he spoke. The less he spoke, the more he heard.

For most of us, silence has never been golden. We are paying little attention and not responding well to other comments. These leads to exasperation in others because we haven't been listening well.

Lord, we pray for help to talk less and listen better. We want to listen well so that when we finish a conversation, others will walk away knowing there's at least one person in this care-less world who has some inkling of what they're doing, thinking, and feeling We want to hear the hushed undertones of their hearts. We want them to know that we care.

Lord, listening doesn't come easy for us. We are mostly ‘word monger’. Help us do more with our ears that we can with our mouths. Let our 'just listening' be an effective way of helping others. We do not want to be miserable comforter’ instead of becoming someone who can hear others.

We learn too, that all human beings want to be heard, and listening is one of the best ways in the world to love others. Listening implies to others that they are important and matter to us. Lord, we pray that listening is not a lost art these days. Because we don't listen well and we aren't used to being listened to. Most of our words simply disappear into the air.

Help us Lord. Listening is hard work, and most of us are unwilling to put in the time - and time is the operative word. Help us to understand that listening means setting aside our own timetable and tendency to hurry on to our next destination. It means settling into a relaxed, unhurried, leisurely pace. Help us to learn that only in the ambiance of leisure do we listen with absolute seriousness, treat others with dignity and importance.

May in leisure we regard other's interest as more important than ours. May we in leisure say, ‘You are more significant than anything I have to do right now. You are the only one who counts, the one for whom I am willing to forgo my other obligations, appointments, and meetings. I have time for you.’ May we in leisure, listen long enough to hear the other person's true heart so that if we do speak, we speak with wisdom.

Lord, by Your grace may we acquire a leisurely pace, a listening ear, a loving heart.

Through Lord Jesus Christ we pray. Amen!"
Picture posted by Chris Dunn@ChrisDunnIllos, Illustrator & Fine Artist on 10 July 2019 at 06:42 pm
Reflection - Number Our Days - Learning to Listen
Source (book): "Teach Us to Number Our Days", Chapter 43, "Learning to Listen", Page 195.
By David Roper, Pastor, and regular and popular writer for Our Daily Bread.



"Faithful to the end", A Preacher's Exposition of 2 Timothy, @ 2014 by Robert M. Solomon

'Faithful to the end', A Preacher's Exposition of 2 Timothy, @ 2014 by Robert M. Solomon<br>
Reflection - Faithful to the end (Links)
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2017/06/reflection-faithful-to-end-links.html


"Finding rest for the soul" Responding to Jesus' Invitation in Matthew 11:28-29, © 2016 by Robert M. Solomon

Reflection - Finding rest for the soul (Links)
Reflection - Finding rest for the soul (Links)
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2018/10/reflection-finding-rest-for-soul-links.html


"God in Pursuit" Lessons from the Book of Jonah, © 2016 by Robert M. Solomon

'Reflection - God in Pursuit (Links) - PART I-III, posted on Saturday, 10 August 2019
Reflection - God in Pursuit (Links) - PART I-III, posted on Saturday, 10 August 2019
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2019/08/reflection-god-in-pursuit-links-part-i.html


"God in Pursuit" Lessons from the Book of Jonah, © 2016 by Robert M. Solomon

'Reflection - God in Pursuit (Links) - PART IV, posted on Saturday, 10 August 2019
Reflection - God in Pursuit (Links) - PART IV, posted on Saturday, 10 August 2019
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2019/08/reflection-god-in-pursuit-links-part-iv.html 


"Songs of Christmas", The Stories and Significance of 20 Well-Loved Carols, © 2018 by Robert M. Solomon

Reflection - Songs of Christmas (Links), posted on Friday, 24 April 2020
Reflection - Songs of Christmas (Links), posted on Friday, 24 April 2020
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2020/04/reflection-songs-of-christmas-links.html
 

"Growing Old Gracefully", Following Jesus to the End, © 2019 by Robert M. Solomon

Reflection - Growing Old Gracefully, Part I - III (Links), posted on Wednesday, 09 December 2020
Reflection - Growing Old Gracefully, Part I - III (Links), posted on Wednesday, 09 December 2020
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2020/12/reflection-growing-old-gracefully-part.html
 

Reflection - Growing Old Gracefully, Part IV - V (Links), posted on Thursday, 22 April 2021
Reflection - Growing Old Gracefully, Part IV - V (Links), posted on Thursday, 22 April 2021
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2020/12/reflection-growing-old-gracefully-part_9.html
 

"Teach Us to Number Our Days", © 2008 by David Roper

Reflection - Number Our Days, Chapter 1 - 40 (Links), posted on Tuesday, 16 November 2021
Reflection - Number Our Days, Chapter 1 - 40 (Links), posted on Tuesday, 16 November 2021
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2021/11/reflection-number-our-days-chapter-1-40.html
 


Reference
[1] From "Teach Us to Number Our Days", Copyright © 2008 by David Roper, ISBN 978-981-11-7184-0, Chapter 43, "Learning to Listen", Page 195-200.

[221] Kazuo Ishiguo, The Remains of the Day - "of what remains of my day"

[222] See Job 16:2; 31:35.

[223] Philippians 2:3



Links


New International Version (NIV), Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Job 16:2; 31:35 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job+16%3A2%3B+31%3A35&version=NIV

Matthew 11:28-29 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+11%3A28-29&version=NIV

Philippians 2:3 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians+2%3A3&version=NIV

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