Sunday, September 1, 2019

Why I am afraid to have children

Source Website: https://www.tnp.sg/news/views/why-i-am-afraid-have-children
By Cheow Sue-Ann, The New Paper, Comment, 30 August 2019 at 06:00 am


In today's world, government subsidies may not be enough to push young Singaporeans to have kids
PHOTO: In today's world, government subsidies may not be enough to push young Singaporeans to have kids
TNP FILE PHOTO
Picture posted by Cheow Sue-Ann, The New Paper, Comment on 30 August 2019 at 06:00 am
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https://www.tnp.sg/news/views/why-i-am-afraid-have-children


After 18 years and eight sets of enhancements to the Marriage and Parenthood Package since it was first rolled out in 2001, the overall fertility rate in Singapore remains far below replacement levels.

On Wednesday, the Government announced the latest slew of changes to encourage more couples to marry and have children, including more affordable and accessible childcare.

While chatting among ourselves, a colleague asked if the changes would encourage me to have children. To be honest, they do not.


A colleague asked if the changes would encourage me to have children. To be honest, they do not.
PHOTO: A colleague asked if the changes would encourage me to have children. To be honest, they do not.
Picture posted by Coach Cross Blog on 05 February 2018
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https://coachcrossblog.blogspot.com/2018/02/its-okay-to-be-scared-about-having-kids.html


I admit that at 25, I have recently found myself oddly moved by babies. I even told a friend that I fear the dreaded "maternal instinct" was finally getting to me.

But while I respect women who choose to start a family while balancing a career, the idea of having children, especially in hyper-competitive and uber-expensive Singapore, is too daunting to even consider, this early in my life and career.

I am not alone in my fears.

Many recent articles, including one published in The Guardian in May, have concluded that traditional markers of success, such as child rearing, no longer apply.

The article cited author Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics, going so far as to say that unmarried and childless women are the happiest subgroup in the population. I can see why.


Unmarried and childless women are the happiest subgroup in the population.
PHOTO: Unmarried and childless women are the happiest subgroup in the population.
Picture posted by Satanic Artificial Intelligence, AI, Empiricism and Inductive Logic
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To begin with, we live in an era where finding and keeping a fulfilling job is increasingly difficult, with so many accomplished young people vying for a small pool of coveted jobs.

If I had to juggle work and child-raising, why should a company pick me over someone else who can give 100 per cent?

Raising a child is so expensive now too, it is no longer about just providing for necessities. Will I be able to afford to give my child what I deem to be the best?

Shifting priorities also means that now there are more things to give up should I choose to have a child - a career, financial freedom, time to spend with friends and family.


Shifting priorities also means that now there are more things to give up should I choose to have a child - a career, financial freedom, time to spend with friends and family.
PHOTO: Shifting priorities also means that now there are more things to give up should I choose to have a child - a career, financial freedom, time to spend with friends and family.
Photo taken by Jocelen Janon on 2015 - Burlesque dancer
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https://gizmodo.com/69-viral-images-from-2016-that-were-totally-fake-1789400518


Our generation is so lucky, our forefathers have paved the way for so many opportunities for us.

Whether it is the world becoming so much more accessible, or social norms shifting to allow women to thrive in any career, I am in a place in life where I have the opportunity to contribute to the world through work I do.

And while many people say that you can do all that and still raise a family, child raising seems fundamentally incompatible with the type of life I really want - to be able to chase opportunities, wherever in the world they may be, and work 15-hour days without fretting over a young life I am responsible for.


Child raising seems fundamentally incompatible with the type of life I really want - to be able to chase opportunities, wherever in the world they may be, and work 15-hour days without fretting over a young life I am responsible for.
PHOTO: Child raising seems fundamentally incompatible with the type of life I really want - to be able to chase opportunities, wherever in the world they may be, and work 15-hour days without fretting over a young life I am responsible for.
Artwork by ArchiveSW, published: 24 May 2013
Picture saved by Evelyn York to Women who could be Superwoman
 

Perhaps in a few years I might change my mind as my priorities shift, but even then, these factors are likely to persist.

When asked why Singaporeans should think that this set of changes will be any more effective at encouraging an improved fertility rate, Minister for Manpower Josephine Teo admitted that the policies and governmental support can do only so much.

She said: "These policies are intended to lighten the burden... but social norms can work against (the families)."

And she is right, society and work now give us so many reasons to say no, it is becoming harder to see why it should be otherwise.


These policies are intended to lighten the burden...
These policies are intended to lighten the burden...
PHOTO: "These policies are intended to lighten the burden... but social norms can work against (the families)." Society and work now give us so many reasons to say no, it is becoming harder to see why it should be otherwise.
 
"The ultimate decision is a personal one that each woman must make in submission to her husband's authority. Obviously, a single woman would be free to work and pursue outside employment. A married woman with no children is perhaps a little more restricted in the amount of time and energy she can devote to an outside job. A woman who is a mother obviously has primary responsibility in the home and would therefore not be free to pursue outside employment to the detriment of the home. In fact, from a parental perspective it is difficult to see how a mother could possibly do all that needs to be done in the home with the upbringing of children, hospitality, care of the needy, and work for the Lord (cf. 1 Timothy 5:3-14) and still work in an outside job. Indeed, any wife who fulfills God's priorities in her life and home will be a busy lady. However, her children and her husband will rise up and call her blessed, and a woman who fears the LORD shall be praised (Proverbs 31:28,30)." [2]
Artwork by MuscleVilleGames - Lizzie Pulverises Theo
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https://www.deviantart.com/musclevillegames/art/Lizzie-Pulverises-Theo-Upcoming-Episodes-803533158
 
By Cheow Sue-Ann, The New Paper, Comment, 30 August 2019 at 06:00 am
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Reference
[1] Cheow Sue-Ann, The New Paper, Comment, Why I am afraid to have children, posted on 30 August 2019 at 06:00 am, https://www.tnp.sg/news/views/why-i-am-afraid-have-children

[2] Grace to You, Is it okay for a wife to work outside the home, and what are a wife's priorities?, https://www.gty.org/library/questions/QA115/what-should-a-wifes-priorities-be-can-she-work-outside-the-home
 

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