Saturday, March 26, 2011

Natural selection?

Weekend Today, March 26 - 27, 2011, Column, Page T2 (The Fairer Text)
From
http://imcmsimages.mediacorp.sg/CMSFileserver/documents/006/PDF/20110326/2603COW002.pdf
Source Website:
http://www.todayonline.com/Columns/Thefairertext/EDC110326-0000012/Natural-selection?
By
Georgina Chang, georginac@mediacorp.com.sg, 04:46 AM Mar 26, 2011



PHOTO: When it comes to listening to women, men hear what they want to hear. Women generally don’t embrace selective listening. In fact, they have super hearing. Like a bat.
Artwork by YEN YOK, Copyright © MediaCorp Press Ltd

http://imcmsimages.mediacorp.sg/cmsfileserver/showimageCC.aspx?450&306&f=2261&img=2261_360476.jpg&h=450&w=306
Weekend Today, March 26 - 27, 2011, Column, Page T2 (The Fairer Text)





PHOTO: Georgina Chang
The writer is the senior creative director of 987FM and Lush 99.5.

Weekend Today, March 26 - 27, 2011, Column, Page T2 (The Fairer Text)


When it comes to listening to women, men hear what they want to hear.

Selective listening: Why do guys practice that?

I ask because it causes cold silences and bitter fights. Yes, there're genuine cases of deafness. For instance, it's an occupational hazard for a radio DJ. After years of wearing headphones with music blasting, I'm a little hard of hearing. But I would never practice selective listening. Really.

However, I suspect most men do.



PHOTO: Men have self-esteem issues too. ‘I’m not vain, but sometimes I need affirmations about my appearance. I always tell my girlfriend she’s beautiful, but she never returns the favor’. ‘I don’t need to hear ‘I love you’ more, but a ‘You look handsome’ would be great.”
http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs272.snc4/39962_423222039731_301056024731_4581437_3034496_n.jpg
http://dailybymorin.com/category/love-relationships/relationships/page/3/


How else can you explain why they didn't hear you mention that it's your mother's birthday dinner tonight and arranged to have drinks with the boss instead. (And no, it can't be cancelled because well, promotions depend on it.) Or why they didn't hear you asking them to frame the new picture or fix the broken chair leg?

It's funny, because while watching football, they can hear their phone ring and hear the sexy next-door neighbour coming home. But they can't hear you calling for them to help with washing the dishes or doing the laundry. ("I thought it was a stray cat yowling!")




PHOTO: Men can hear their phone ring and hear the sexy next-door neighbour coming home.
http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs298.snc4/41248_425659464731_301056024731_4640645_76967_n.jpg
http://dailybymorin.com/category/love-relationships/relationships/page/3/


Women generally don't embrace selective listening. In fact, they have super hearing. Like a bat. Even if they're in another room far away with the door shut, they can immediately know when the kids are fighting or breaking something. They can hear their man sneaking into the house at 3am, and they can hear that bitchy colleague down the hall gossiping about them.

However, both genders are equally partial to selective telling. Now, I don't condone lying at all, but selectively omitting details sometimes makes a relationship smoother.



PHOTO: Have you ever wondered what does a man want to hear from a woman? As strange as it may seem, you can keep a man happy by complimenting him, because he has the same needs as you do, but he is not always so vocal about them. Still, they love to know that they are strong and handsome, smart and funny.
http://widbox.com/img/articles/2010/Mar/18//5-1-things-men-want-to-hear/5-1-things-men-want-to-hear-large.jpg
http://widbox.com/5-1-things-men-want-to-hear


Women will selectively tell their partners that they bought, "Only a small bag on sale" whilst the other seven big expensive bags are stuffed under the bed. And because a friend didn't like the style of these designer shoes she'd bought, she passed it to you (at purchase price). And how can you say "no" to a friend, right?

In the first flush of the relationship, women will selectively talk about their age. Selectively shaving off a few years is pretty common. And sometimes, this perception lasts for decades into the marriage.



PHOTO: “As long as you're with me, I don't need anyone else”. “I love you just the way you are”.
http://widbox.com/img/articles/2010/Mar/18/5-1-things-men-want-to-hear/relation.jpg
http://widbox.com/5-1-things-men-want-to-hear


We selectively talk about our past relationships to preserve his ego. We'll never tell him that we had 14 boyfriends before. It was only two. And we would never admit that we've been intimate with 20 men. That number is capped at five. Forever and always.

However, it doesn't apply with our girlfriends. No thing is too sacred or personal. Your size or lack thereof, your quirks and odd toilet habits are all open for discussion and analysis. We do this to get another perspective so that we can have a better understanding.



PHOTO: Men will never say that leggy girl from Marketing that you hate came along.
http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/wp-content/uploads//First-50-dates-50-first-dates-6864514-700-465.jpeg
http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/the-number-one-reason-why-you-cant-get-past-the-first-date/5054/


Meanwhile, men usually selectively mention how long they're going to be out. The "I'm going to grab a bite/have a beer with the guys" actually means "it's going to be seven beers, and the only reason why it didn't stretch to eight beers is because someone's angry wife called, which broke up the session".

They also selectively omit who was there too. He'll never say that leggy girl from Marketing that you hate came along. When pressed, he'll selectively mutter, "Maybe she came with a friend, I didn't notice." True, he didn't notice her friend. But he certainly noticed the short satin skirt she was wearing with those six-inch heels.



PHOTO: “I had an erotic dream and you were in it…” If he asks you to tell him about it, say that you will show him instead!
http://s3.hubimg.com/u/2118498_f260.jpg
http://hubpages.com/hub/What-do-Men-Want-to-Hear


Their storytelling about their prowess at work, or in fights with other guys can be very selective too. You won't hear about them getting punched to a pulp or getting embarrassed or losing face at the office. Those bits are carefully misplaced or lost in favour of the bits where they constantly have clever retorts that inspire awe to everyone at the office. Or how they singlehandedly intimidated the gang of 20 thugs who ran away screaming like girls.

The statement, "I've got a lot to do at the office today", usually means they actually want to do something else that doesn't involve you. It's usually not at the office and something you'll disapprove of. Like having eight beers with the guys and maybe that leggy girl from Marketing.



PHOTO: Men prefer to hear about their appearance and performance, while women want to be told they’re wonderful and beautiful.
http://www.dating360.info/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/sexx-300x199.jpg
http://www.dating360.info/what-do-men-like-to-hear-in-bed/


They will selectively talk only about the aunties and chubby girls at the office. But they will gloss over the hot girl at Accounts, their hot female friend, and your hot female friend. See, that avoids friction in the relationship.

And yes, like women, the smart men will selectively talk about ex-girlfriends. If current girl didn't have any inkling of his vast dating experience, there is no need to say anything.

See, it's all about maintaining the peace and harmony at home. And there's nothing wrong with that. Right?

By Georgina Chang, georginac@mediacorp.com.sg, 04:46 AM Mar 26, 2011
The writer is the senior creative director of 987FM and Lush 99.5.



PHOTO: The truth is that both women and men enjoy sex that feels heartening, sensual, connecting and that takes them out of their bodies and into the realm of “wow, did that just happen?
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_oiWOQDQcBwM/S8IX0djBW0I/AAAAAAAACZQ/JXfqDRbcpME/s1600/iStock_000009995871XSmall.jpg
http://blogs.courier-journal.com/debbyherbenick/2010/04/26/sex-myth-women-can-have-sex-like-men/



PHOTO: Women must speak about their likes and dislikes in bed with their partners. Tell them exactly what arouses you or satisfies you in bed and men would be more than happy to offer you even more than that.



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