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Monday, January 20, 2025

My Singular Existence — By Sumiko Tan

Source Website: https://gracecst.wordpress.com/2010/06/27/my-singular-existence-by-sumiko-tan/
Posted on thesundaytimes on 27 July 2008 - My Singular Existence
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2008/08/reflection-my-singular-existence_17.html
By gracecst, gracious grace corner, 27 June 2010 at 06:00 am


 My Singular Existence — By Sumiko Tan
PHOTO: My Singular Existence — By Sumiko Tan
A lady who dares to talk abt her singlehood… her fear… her loneliness… her dissatisfaction…
Picture posted by gracecst, gracious grace corner on 27 June 2010 at 06:00 am
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf13zI8K6ipbQdzibgvZLb4vkQP9VFw3Nmb_ciyBmZDR0nsKYlhuMH7QQYbByzxUwKhTo5qcBlLe2K2jHSbxgAYP9hNKY3WepCI7g98JmHDCVmytDrRIrL_pBQmqUzyV7ySw7MUqirbbfONz-sCbJwg0zjAhXH3Mnx4oPcSpImUxwNftknzWe67kDnVK0/s1126/c8436d6b84a1a222c8ce9c487f9305b7.png
https://gracecst.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/c8436d6b84a1a222c8ce9c487f9305b7.jpg
https://gracecst.wordpress.com/2010/06/27/my-singular-existence-by-sumiko-tan/
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2008/08/reflection-my-singular-existence_17.html


I guess by now most Singaporeans (at least those who know or read Sumiko’s columns) would know that Sumiko is getting married! 1 part of me is really happy for her but 1 part of me… kind of feel sad cos the women singles circle is losing 1 influential single lady. A lady who dares to talk abt her singlehood… her fear… her loneliness… her dissatisfaction…
 
SM Goh once ‘scolded’ her for a controversial article abt women having children out of wedlock. It didn’t ‘scare’ her off. She continued her gusty writing. Not that i agree having children out of wedlock. But why do we always have to live the way that society thk is right? Why are we always under chains & locks of some old pple’s thinking/customs? Does it mean that if we live right, we will be happy?

 
 I guess by now most Singaporeans (at least those who know or read Sumiko’s columns) would know that Sumiko is getting married!
PHOTO: I guess by now most Singaporeans (at least those who know or read Sumiko’s columns) would know that Sumiko is getting married! 1 part of me is really happy for her but 1 part of me… kind of feel sad cos the women singles circle is losing 1 influential single lady. A lady who dares to talk abt her singlehood… her fear… her loneliness… her dissatisfaction…
Picture posted by Watchman, The Sammyboy Times on 28 September 2010
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA0QIYLgEVbkY8D7PTcH2Lgc5qrYhBOKePsmnEdpLugjLd0ZCZlMKbdMlJzAwHm1Dbkei9RN2_myAaZ5Syvldv85zsWcJPOkvMEgOQzxJT_HGH2IfqAE5iRG19pkCGsZ1iBLp4JrhpfN1PeWJztKgnCMHb_BzHwX8j3CMo52tfo5Fr3fTNbYd7EiG3_QQ/s1000/Sumiko_1.png
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8oFpi_PN9VQ/TFACALh6NyI/AAAAAAAACoU/J2Gy0Pg6AUU/s1600/Sumiko.jpg
https://www.sammyboy.com/threads/sumiko-tan.75972/


Alright… re-read some of Sumiko’s columns and i like this one especially those i highlighted. Gosh… that’s exactly how my bosses/colleagues are behaving. So irritating that at times i’ve to tell them – Singles also have families. Our families comprise of our parents & siblings. Having husbands/wives and/or children don’t give you the right to ‘rob’ away the rights of singles. So all those married pple out there… watch yr words. Dont’ be another irritating idiot!

Okay, so here we go again.

Marriage and making babies are back in the news. It’s enough to make a single person weep.

Every couple of years, the problem of Singapore not having enough babies will be resurrected and the nation will plunge into another period of soul-searching.


 Alright…
PHOTO: Alright… re-read some of Sumiko’s columns and i like this one especially those i highlighted. Gosh… that’s exactly how my bosses/colleagues are behaving. So irritating that at times i’ve to tell them – Singles also have families. Our families comprise of our parents & siblings. Having husbands/wives and/or children don’t give you the right to ‘rob’ away the rights of singles. So all those married pple out there… watch yr words. Dont’ be another irritating idiot!
Picture posted by Rooney9, sgforums on 26 July 10 at 22:07 pm
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFLrTCVmTQFTFgZjIXrHpUypNqeAesPY4KRiGtQeStETdv257cMIvC3pjJOsI8iL0O7kb1se4H78O5PnCBY5gYL7uefGuTDxhi-8BvQJ8Wnn3u1eyEzsW_JpClYVrVH_8c-XVduXU8vRwjGSdgDmX6OuAN4nBWbsPBQVJfFRSWpOYcoi7eoHH6xoKZIbQ/s1000/44509_1.png
https://static.divaasia.com/action/MediaImage/44509.jpg
https://zh.sgforums.com/forums/1533/topics/406408/


The Government will then announce a raft of fresh incentives to get Singaporeans to marry and have kids, and the matter will rest for a bit.

But clearly the measures don’t really work because the issue will invariably get another airing, as it has in recent weeks. This time, the Government is looking at free childcare and paid paternity leave.

In 1983, the Great Marriage Debate – the one where men were encouraged not to ignore graduate women – took place.

I was in university then and at my reproductive peak, although I wasn’t ready for marriage.


 In 1983, the Great Marriage Debate – the one where men were encouraged not to ignore graduate women – took place.
PHOTO: In 1983, the Great Marriage Debate – the one where men were encouraged not to ignore graduate women – took place.
Picture posted by my G@Rdening frenzY on 09 August 2010
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisgcgUy3VqPBBvk2_YNEd4ITZck2v4uTE13jFvLTYhTgsPsLhzq40jf4cOFehCo9sSDTsy_pdwztHsExPbktksBWmVwwfsxD7KXc6592kVgieOu8XYXnVNMgjsDkCRUM_LRcKtiqM3gTYcR56LUOZ3W5jPlMMxizRfLySKM6kfXVwU2f-NJUREQolzPQE/s1050/Sumiko-Tan-wedding-20100726050504_1.png
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRKhflCKAQxzn3u_OpQZVVfhyphenhyphen-v2DiorzpJ-hPkKcz3O05Gl8o43uQ3EpFZ4nktdZAV7P871pvDpVlxEy28WRUCu760J1DQKczdM7ZFu0rh0EIHRZQgzzYU99jL5_MB_mUwaRxLFjGJOs/s1600/Sumiko-Tan-wedding-20100726050504.jpg
http://garden-frenzy.blogspot.com/2010/08/sumiko-tan.html


Fast forward 25 years and I’m still unmarried, although no longer at my biological best, baby-wise.

Maybe I’m getting querulous as I grow older, but all this talk about incentives to promote procreation makes me see red.

It’s not that I don’t grasp the big picture and the need for babies. I do.

It’s not even that I’m not fond of children. I am. I even wish I had my own.


 Fast forward 25 years and I’m still unmarried, although no longer at my biological best, baby-wise.
PHOTO: Fast forward 25 years and I’m still unmarried, although no longer at my biological best, baby-wise.
Maybe I’m getting querulous as I grow older, but all this talk about incentives to promote procreation makes me see red.
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 08 July 2017 at 08:19 pm
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxowibZEPc9YqZwWfPXzUQXFoRdeKxTEO2nOXgZMmxMgiRsgGBrXwsrmVRX7qJ89f5MfGUQaANbLK6iOIwyZws5HY3hxP6PerNeRx1q4tcErZcE6MDJpLM4-7IpB2qfHcQ8VqS20ROZloVjIAP5v9HdqdruZHMz7Ok2V38z749pj7KnKGWmX2FZHVJq0o/s1600/file6vog7x9mdhs3ahoo6yo_1.png
https://static1.straitstimes.com.sg/s3fs-public/articles/2017/07/08/file6vog7x9mdhs3ahoo6yo.jpg?VersionId=5ks2BoOb7mmjk1xIbA0X3rPMdkJN5vA.
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-tans-new-book-about-heartbreak-grief-and-finding-love


Neither am I unsympathetic to the heavy load of working parents. As a boss, I’ve been understanding to colleagues who need time off to tend to kids-related emergencies.

It’s just that measures rewarding marriage and parenthood can smack of singlism.

Singlism? Yes, it’s a word that’s been concocted to depict the negative stereotypes and discrimination against people who are unmarried.

While the term includes folks who are divorced and widowed, it applies mostly to those like me who have never walked down the aisle (or whatever else people do in the name of getting hitched).


 Singlism?
PHOTO: Singlism? Yes, it’s a word that’s been concocted to depict the negative stereotypes and discrimination against people who are unmarried.
While the term includes folks who are divorced and widowed, it applies mostly to those like me who have never walked down the aisle (or whatever else people do in the name of getting hitched).
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMmznF6QbBFPfCSNTCldTLPl5firhX4l0jO-AhiT-Eymz816OEch0Xpb7PvD9TGhyphenhyphenLHASDX5nDG1Krh4BbRI4a-GGMjOcGuYmvqwfMiT7NOhy7IqXqa3tblFNIuct0g9JISjQocZjaAfGfe8ADER-tA5D57Y9g8gWIwrdv0BdxPFG18lmfh6JxP3yVtBI/s2035/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258_1.png
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age


Singles are single for different reasons. Some want to be married but can’t find a partner. Others genuinely prefer the unmarried lifestyle. There are also those who have a partner (and might be living with him or her, too) but don’t see the need to marry, or can’t marry – gays and lesbians come to mind.

Unlike other forms of discrimination like racism and sexism, singlism is not overt, which makes it all the more invidious.

Prejudices have in fact become so ingrained that one doesn’t bat an eyelid at them. The thinking goes: If singles are slighted, too bad, it’s their problem for being ultra-sensitive, not society’s fault for being insensitive.


 Prejudices have in fact become so ingrained that one doesn’t bat an eyelid at them.
PHOTO: Prejudices have in fact become so ingrained that one doesn’t bat an eyelid at them. The thinking goes: If singles are slighted, too bad, it’s their problem for being ultra-sensitive, not society’s fault for being insensitive.
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan on 01 October 2024 at 05:00 am - Sumiko at 60: Adults over the age of 50 need 50% more protein, say experts
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCCPKLdLZVK8Qyr_3mh133wXzeJfZKTHeQg9DV23BRTaWoGbIhQr9xf1lLugfe_NNMxjmhc7uJAhTIBUdldfv6hLOSCXuMdAfRQkTGK28VSsbCr1Nx1s1ZJIQK3N1nbLzjsGQMzteyWh5xnNNxrqDItux0HW75WU4wLMJYGS9kIRyYGqeym-46hh4VAso/s860/41da4bce74983e13114e14e32bb0dc642e7111e626dcf14811921789051adc7d.png
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/41da4bce74983e13114e14e32bb0dc642e7111e626dcf14811921789051adc7d?w=860
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-it-s-best-to-spread-out-your-intake-of-protein-evenly-across-three-meals


Singlism happens in the way singles are perceived as some alien life form.

A poll of 1,000 undergraduates in the United States found that most of them viewed singles in a negative light: immature, insecure, self-centred, lonely, ugly and prone to envy were words most used to describe people like me. Married people were seen as honest, caring and kind.

Singlism happens when people pass patronising comments about your single status and, worse, think there’s nothing wrong with that.


 A poll of 1,000 undergraduates in the United States found that most of them viewed singles in a negative light
PHOTO: A poll of 1,000 undergraduates in the United States found that most of them viewed singles in a negative light: immature, insecure, self-centred, lonely, ugly and prone to envy were words most used to describe people like me. Married people were seen as honest, caring and kind.
Picture posted by Ng Soe Luan, The Straits Times on Friday, 28 July 2017 at 11:19 pm
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4-y450xRYw5DgUl6CZwyRmMlYWjCwkiCtfRM83FhV-u4UQPn_skHWhxE94zyD1olnhH2Kqe4KYzJc-XQJRWtlKJfZRpbW55DLqxRT6GfCQDozSn1fYew9bJVTav5lWinvBjfLiTdHbVcbHZD8fQ-GliyjqpLFrRtrRTUNiOi1BE7gx4HHGu2HfwP6qAM/s1404/471476590_10160583569777115_3261364989245294814_n_11_1.png
https://scontent.fsin15-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/471476590_10160583569777115_3261364989245294814_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=HMmy0iV3yk4Q7kNvgGxJilV&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent.fsin15-2.fna&_nc_gid=ATJ_JUxc03Z1lx2KB9WG4N0&oh=00_AYADlcStQ20FqvHhLRS7A3SdJA9CkrSsU2rH5m7bxp9NPg&oe=678EC53D
https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10154624981847115&set=pcb.10154624978177115


As an article on the Internet notes, how would married people feel if the tables were turned? How would they like it if, upon announcing that they are getting married, they get pitiful looks and remarks like: ‘Hey, don’t worry, your turn to divorce will come soon.’

But, ah well, we singles have long learnt that names shouldn’t hurt us.

But institutionalised forms of singlism do. You see it in the workplace where singles have to cover for married colleagues when they need time off because baby has a fever, the maid’s run off or there’s a parent-teacher event to attend.

When it comes to taking leave in June and December, parents get priority because we can’t deprive them of the school holidays, can we?


 But institutionalised forms of singlism do.
PHOTO: But institutionalised forms of singlism do. You see it in the workplace where singles have to cover for married colleagues when they need time off because baby has a fever, the maid’s run off or there’s a parent-teacher event to attend.
When it comes to taking leave in June and December, parents get priority because we can’t deprive them of the school holidays, can we?
Picture posted by Clara How, Her World on 14 July 2017
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhys7R5-0P6Fyqdi9b9aAK58NhbE0n3O7HvGwZI6LLZNXjk4cMfHw6aQ2oeA3PlMNTprT9cQzSce1qcu3Obe1qUEY3suBcpiVjQ13PpzKJ7BM19Q0M2HuzCkBubxfQJLA6yHfWP0tB7GwwI7llOSsGVu0qklhaAvaZvKBZlH7XDNvT3EPELKr4ESBr3FLM/s1200/baef6fb0433556c765189f280aebeea5c5ed8039c046129b3ac0a237fa484f53.jpg
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/herworld/baef6fb0433556c765189f280aebeea5c5ed8039c046129b3ac0a237fa484f53
https://www.herworld.com/wellness/sexandrelationships/sundays-sumiko-tan-love-columns


In companies with shift, night and weekend work, it’s often the singles who are rostered for these slots. After all, the thinking goes, singles don’t have much of a life outside the office anyway.

When colleagues go on maternity leave or switch to part-time work, singles pick up the slack – for the same pay.

In one company I know, long-service employees get a paid-for trip as a reward.

Thing is, married employees can take their spouse or child along, with the company footing their bill. But singles aren’t allowed to take along a boyfriend, girlfriend or parent. The difference in benefits? About ＄1,500. Not a great sum but, oh, the unfairness of it all.


 In companies with shift, night and weekend work, it’s often the singles who are rostered for these slots.
PHOTO: In companies with shift, night and weekend work, it’s often the singles who are rostered for these slots. When colleagues go on maternity leave or switch to part-time work, singles pick up the slack – for the same pay.
In one company I know, long-service employees get a paid-for trip as a reward. Thing is, married employees can take their spouse or child along, with the company footing their bill. But singles aren’t allowed to take along a boyfriend, girlfriend or parent.
Picture posted by Clara How, Her World on 14 July 2017
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY1Qu2oGe_07GtfRmf_tyUBbNylE4i4BoX_Tu0ThgsPpIvAIZmBKLoAXPJhRZIOnftBX8vQnSkuKX3jAkEScn-rn90Z2lP3VxmPX2l5WzdegNryxg2PyI-bgiphcVPR9RwWsC872TdztXNFQxjEIiv68IFSO9bCPqG8-rHjxWP351RMSc-V_mwxUTUNuI/s1200/525556bf2028ac34ba3e69230691fe5c159e1e3f00428da4c3cecfcfbda89706_1.png
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/herworld/525556bf2028ac34ba3e69230691fe5c159e1e3f00428da4c3cecfcfbda89706
https://www.herworld.com/wellness/sexandrelationships/sundays-sumiko-tan-love-columns


Housing perks and tax reliefs remain perennial sticking points.

Yes, the Government has liberalised housing rules by a lot and singles can now buy resale HDB flats of any size when they turn 35.

But singles still can’t buy new, subsidised HDB flats, which are way cheaper than resale ones. And this despite how, at one stage, HDB had so many unsold flats to get rid of.

As a single friend put it, it’s like the Government is telling you: Even if we can’t sell the flats, we don’t want you to have them.

How does that make us feel, especially those who can’t afford to pay open market prices for resale flats?


 But singles still can’t buy new, subsidised HDB flats, which are way cheaper than resale ones.
PHOTO: But singles still can’t buy new, subsidised HDB flats, which are way cheaper than resale ones. And this despite how, at one stage, HDB had so many unsold flats to get rid of.
As a single friend put it, it’s like the Government is telling you: Even if we can’t sell the flats, we don’t want you to have them.
Picture posted by Ronald Loh, Reporter, The News Paper on 14 July 2017 at 06:00 am
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNED4BR5bLhuCcsxisHM_ySzqj-xpPwC96kOxl5LGczKTzxUjeAjO3XCJSL5OL6TGhSN59eaflsuCtrVAGS8IDaj4YyIDLT-A4uVUPLviniPw2ruhDZst9_DAP1jjglQuDTGVHfXZnfFb7x_FpCyHuxTK483UuRU6H-twdxwF3GGM3EQNQSq2ZdJElQC8/s1560/NP_20170714_RLSUMIKO14-HDY_1589281-1040x1560_1.png
https://tnp.straitstimes.com/sites/default/files/styles/large-portrait/public/articles/2017/07/14/NP_20170714_RLSUMIKO14-HDY_1589281.jpg?itok=RrjtUQwK
https://tnp.straitstimes.com/news/singapore/sumiko-tan-doesnt-rule-out-restarting-personal-column


Things get even more hurtful when it comes to tax relief for the foreign maid levy.

The relief is open only to married women (note: the rules don’t even say they have to be mothers; just married) and women who are separated, divorced or widowed and living with their children.

Singles and males aren’t eligible because the scheme is meant to ‘encourage married women to remain in the workforce after having children and to encourage procreation’.

This means singles get no respite even if the only reason they hire a maid is to help look after their aged parents.


 The relief is open only to married women (note: the rules don’t even say they have to be mothers; just married) and women who are separated, divorced or widowed and living with their children.
PHOTO: The relief is open only to married women (note: the rules don’t even say they have to be mothers; just married) and women who are separated, divorced or widowed and living with their children.
Singles and males aren’t eligible because the scheme is meant to ‘encourage married women to remain in the workforce after having children and to encourage procreation’.
Picture posted by Lester Leo, emcee
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEo5UwuMQuoXn1Tcq0gZUlw0R8AyrLhDLPQYHpQAs7mLMIHl0R18etzkao_9P0yP3jZsvzty6iui_jf-73ODp0g0qNhUCch0jasJKIzyIrNVPdLVE9inEebpuwIBQDW1bQtBPSnsnpIFVFpcZX9pTbH88gNmUUSRmu2MELCQ3cM1IQIKIeWT5BJvYrr24/s1256/Emcee-Lester-with-Celebrity-Straits-Times-Sumiko-Tan_1.png
https://emceelester.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Emcee-Lester-with-Celebrity-Straits-Times-Sumiko-Tan.jpg
https://emceelester.com/celebrity/emcee-lester-with-celebrity-straits-times-sumiko-tan/


Do singles matter so little? Don’t we perform a family function too? Would it cost the Government much to allow us to claim tax relief in this instance?

Everyone knows that when it comes to looking after aged parents, it’s always the unmarried sibling who gets lumped with the heaviest load.

Besides, so many of us are also contributing to the welfare of our nieces and nephews, paying for their ‘enrichment’ classes and whatnot. We are part of family units too.

So much is already being done to promote procreation that one wonders just what else the Government has in store.


 Do singles matter so little?
PHOTO: Do singles matter so little? Don’t we perform a family function too? Would it cost the Government much to allow us to claim tax relief in this instance?
Picture posted by Yuen Sin, Her World on 11 July 2017
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihlmm8Ol_z62sRVxx-SbllblPUW9Jt_fW0SkOMDJH3sYe0fEZdcvYJKDBMpkId4lbaFmeNlELVJHEnwog_TWlp-JRlS_NXKg3rpo2ue_rtIGhZRJGeOu9JMjr_yq7nLY8SeCXxhe9j1TnbnSpyhCxK4dfp8dwT7q1mSL4d8DLH0QmNYQKmTfTI_9jLPu0/s1200/528f734796ea78bf76417c064d02263544b9f3c08385445375e124652f5cbdd2.jpg
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/herworld/528f734796ea78bf76417c064d02263544b9f3c08385445375e124652f5cbdd2
https://www.herworld.com/wellness/sexandrelationships/sundays-sumiko-enjoy-sumiko-tans-tell-all-columns-book


What makes it harder for singles to stomach is how some parents clamour for even more help, whether it is more money from the state or more ‘family-friendly’ practices at work.

For goodness’ sake, parenthood comes with responsibilities and sacrifices. Live with it. And isn’t it enough that you have children who should be reward in themselves?

We haven’t heard the last of marriage and babies and I doubt we ever will.

It’ll just be nice that in the debate to come, singles will get their recognition and due.
 

 I guess by now most Singaporeans (at least those who know or read Sumiko’s columns) would know that Sumiko is getting married!
PHOTO: I guess by now most Singaporeans (at least those who know or read Sumiko’s columns) would know that Sumiko is getting married! 1 part of me is really happy for her but 1 part of me… kind of feel sad cos the women singles circle is losing 1 influential single lady. A lady who dares to talk abt her singlehood… her fear… her loneliness… her dissatisfaction…
Photo Lab effect on picture at https://photolab.me/d/43812511
 

 SM Goh once ‘scolded’ her for a controversial article abt women having children out of wedlock.
PHOTO: SM Goh once ‘scolded’ her for a controversial article abt women having children out of wedlock. It didn’t ‘scare’ her off. She continued her gusty writing. Not that i agree having children out of wedlock. But why do we always have to live the way that society thk is right? Why are we always under chains & locks of some old pple’s thinking/customs? Does it mean that if we live right, we will be happy?
Photo Lab effect on picture at https://photolab.me/d/43773828
 

 Alright…
PHOTO: Alright… re-read some of Sumiko’s columns and i like this one especially those i highlighted. Gosh… that’s exactly how my bosses/colleagues are behaving. So irritating that at times i’ve to tell them – Singles also have families. Our families comprise of our parents & siblings. Having husbands/wives and/or children don’t give you the right to ‘rob’ away the rights of singles. So all those married pple out there… watch yr words. Dont’ be another irritating idiot!
Picture by Photo Lab effect's combos from Jl Po
Faceswap by Face Swap Ai generator at https://aifaceswap.io/multiple-face-swap-ai/
 

 What makes it harder for singles to stomach is how some parents clamour for even more help, whether it is more money from the state or more ‘family-friendly’ practices at work.
PHOTO: What makes it harder for singles to stomach is how some parents clamour for even more help, whether it is more money from the state or more ‘family-friendly’ practices at work.
Photo Lab effect on picture at https://photolab.me/d/43835832

 

 Marriage and making babies are back in the news.
PHOTO: Marriage and making babies are back in the news. It’s enough to make a single person weep.
Every couple of years, the problem of Singapore not having enough babies will be resurrected and the nation will plunge into another period of soul-searching.
Picture posted by KenKenLau on 18 August 2020
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Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 Singlism?
PHOTO: Singlism? Yes, it’s a word that’s been concocted to depict the negative stereotypes and discrimination against people who are unmarried.
While the term includes folks who are divorced and widowed, it applies mostly to those like me who have never walked down the aisle (or whatever else people do in the name of getting hitched).
Picture posted by KenKenLau on 18 August 2020
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Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 Singlism happens in the way singles are perceived as some alien life form.
PHOTO: Singlism happens in the way singles are perceived as some alien life form.
Picture posted by KenKenLau on 18 August 2020
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/kenkenphotos/50239501796/in/photostream/
Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 As a single friend put it, it’s like the Government is telling you: Even if we can’t sell the flats, we don’t want you to have them.
PHOTO: As a single friend put it, it’s like the Government is telling you: Even if we can’t sell the flats, we don’t want you to have them.
Picture posted by KenKenLau on 05 September 2023
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/kenkenphotos/53165186307/in/photostream/
Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 In companies with shift, night and weekend work, it’s often the singles who are rostered for these slots.
PHOTO: In companies with shift, night and weekend work, it’s often the singles who are rostered for these slots. After all, the thinking goes, singles don’t have much of a life outside the office anyway.
When colleagues go on maternity leave or switch to part-time work, singles pick up the slack – for the same pay.
Picture posted by KenKenLau on 05 September 2023
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/kenkenphotos/53166261548/in/photostream/
Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 In one company I know, long-service employees get a paid-for trip as a reward.
PHOTO: In one company I know, long-service employees get a paid-for trip as a reward.
Thing is, married employees can take their spouse or child along, with the company footing their bill. But singles aren’t allowed to take along a boyfriend, girlfriend or parent. The difference in benefits? About ＄1,500. Not a great sum but, oh, the unfairness of it all.
Picture posted by KenKenLau on 05 September 2023
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Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 A poll of 1,000 undergraduates in the United States found that most of them viewed singles in a negative light: immature, insecure, self-centred, lonely, ugly and prone to envy were words most used to describe people like me.
PHOTO: A poll of 1,000 undergraduates in the United States found that most of them viewed singles in a negative light: immature, insecure, self-centred, lonely, ugly and prone to envy were words most used to describe people like me. Married people were seen as honest, caring and kind.
Singlism happens when people pass patronising comments about your single status and, worse, think there’s nothing wrong with that.
Picture posted by KenKenLau on 05 September 2023
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Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 Do singles matter so little?
PHOTO: Do singles matter so little? Don’t we perform a family function too? Would it cost the Government much to allow us to claim tax relief in this instance?
Everyone knows that when it comes to looking after aged parents, it’s always the unmarried sibling who gets lumped with the heaviest load.
Besides, so many of us are also contributing to the welfare of our nieces and nephews, paying for their ‘enrichment’ classes and whatnot. We are part of family units too.
So much is already being done to promote procreation that one wonders just what else the Government has in store.
Picture posted by KenKenLau on 05 September 2023
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Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 I guess by now most Singaporeans (at least those who know or read Sumiko’s columns) would know that Sumiko is getting married!
PHOTO: I guess by now most Singaporeans (at least those who know or read Sumiko’s columns) would know that Sumiko is getting married! 1 part of me is really happy for her but 1 part of me… kind of feel sad cos the women singles circle is losing 1 influential single lady. A lady who dares to talk abt her singlehood… her fear… her loneliness… her dissatisfaction…
Picture posted by KenKenLau on 20 October 2023
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Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 SM Goh once ‘scolded’ her for a controversial article abt women having children out of wedlock.
PHOTO: SM Goh once ‘scolded’ her for a controversial article abt women having children out of wedlock. It didn’t ‘scare’ her off. She continued her gusty writing. Not that i agree having children out of wedlock. But why do we always have to live the way that society thk is right? Why are we always under chains & locks of some old pple’s thinking/customs? Does it mean that if we live right, we will be happy?
Picture posted by KenKenLau on 20 October 2023
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Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 Things get even more hurtful when it comes to tax relief for the foreign maid levy.
PHOTO: Things get even more hurtful when it comes to tax relief for the foreign maid levy.
The relief is open only to married women (note: the rules don’t even say they have to be mothers; just married) and women who are separated, divorced or widowed and living with their children.
Picture posted by KenKenLau on 20 October 2023
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Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 Singles and males aren’t eligible because the scheme is meant to ‘encourage married women to remain in the workforce after having children and to encourage procreation’.
PHOTO: Singles and males aren’t eligible because the scheme is meant to ‘encourage married women to remain in the workforce after having children and to encourage procreation’.
This means singles get no respite even if the only reason they hire a maid is to help look after their aged parents.
Picture posted by KenKenLau on 20 October 2023
Faceswap by Face Swap Ai generator at https://aifaceswap.io/multiple-face-swap-ai/
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/kenkenphotos/53270302122/in/photostream/
Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 Singlism?
PHOTO: Singlism? Yes, it’s a word that’s been concocted to depict the negative stereotypes and discrimination against people who are unmarried.
Picture posted by Sandra Helmer - Surprisingly the Japanese sandals, also called "geta", aren't that uncomfortable.
Faceswap by Face Swap Ai generator at https://aifaceswap.io/multiple-face-swap-ai/
 

 Fast forward 25 years and I’m still unmarried, although no longer at my biological best, baby-wise.
PHOTO: Fast forward 25 years and I’m still unmarried, although no longer at my biological best, baby-wise.
Picture posted by まどらー@mdl_yoshi289 (Madora @mdl_yoshi289) -  Unauthorized reproduction of published photos 🈲 If you make a quoted repost or reply with a comment that we find offensive, we may immediately block you ⚠️ Reposting (spreading) is welcome ☺
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Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 Maybe I’m getting querulous as I grow older, but all this talk about incentives to promote procreation makes me see red.
PHOTO: Maybe I’m getting querulous as I grow older, but all this talk about incentives to promote procreation makes me see red.
Picture posted by wikiFeet - Rei Yoshii
Faceswap by Face Swap Ai generator at https://aifaceswap.io/multiple-face-swap-ai/
 

 A poll of 1,000 undergraduates in the United States found that most of them viewed singles in a negative light: immature, insecure, self-centred, lonely, ugly and prone to envy were words most used to describe people like me.
PHOTO: A poll of 1,000 undergraduates in the United States found that most of them viewed singles in a negative light: immature, insecure, self-centred, lonely, ugly and prone to envy were words most used to describe people like me. Married people were seen as honest, caring and kind.
Singlism happens when people pass patronising comments about your single status and, worse, think there’s nothing wrong with that.
Picture posted by Kwonghai Siau on Tuesday, 17 January 2023 at 07:27 pm
Faceswap by Face Swap Ai generator at https://aifaceswap.io/multiple-face-swap-ai/
https://art-global.yimeta.ai/face-swap/36c65b36bf65bd1a05f8037e0dfd3cec.webp
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjebwG9cv1IhEXRstnNf9_p9eIgRgtY2X59IUlp1erzlHD3yBnmziq6T5E9NXQzt23gQVXfgYo0KzhE7yNSGV36p9WhLRW7twIGxDwetg8AKsdEW8k5Guf-kYhXEM6PyBJE-mUkAYFVhjgDbdv33ZCpF0c1K1GrT9xyI-11g7jKrEjGRBggQrSLk3yopyE/s1440/36c65b36bf65bd1a05f8037e0dfd3cec.png
https://scontent.fsin15-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/326025093_710787450672945_8351004763159459681_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=833d8c&_nc_ohc=wcJuD5crLLsQ7kNvgEDuUeI&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent.fsin15-1.fna&_nc_gid=AE4qCZBtPi99cANLsBPUwjL&oh=00_AYBho1QoUSM99UR710af2aM3HeFUKK8LqlFXaBaEar3kyg&oe=67915853
https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=1428470844645753&set=pcb.1428471131312391
Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 Do singles matter so little?
PHOTO: Do singles matter so little? Don’t we perform a family function too? Would it cost the Government much to allow us to claim tax relief in this instance?
Picture posted by 三宅一攝 Sānzhái yī shè, Photo by Miyake on Tuesday, 08 September 2020 at 12:00 pm
Faceswap by Face Swap Ai generator at https://aifaceswap.io/multiple-face-swap-ai/
https://art-global.yimeta.ai/face-swap/83225c277fc4329a059f70e589ebb559.webp
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX7nJYXAKx9_4FWozbFxR8D2eEC5uCQOJnttUfZbpoZRDtt0E3g4YZiz3KrVUmHL3VuFeMWwsqkCOkKWMMSZZRcojl3UZiv3pc1oY5reDdrWfcuifilOyEJLuGTF6HfyMlDnYBTa4JeRZ0NArCqN6Syr1mfCaLVbh5Jh0jeSOS91XTpvPfNULisuvrwbY/s2048/83225c277fc4329a059f70e589ebb559_1.png
https://scontent.fsin14-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/118700295_325670738873228_6667332072858800870_n.jpg?_nc_cat=109&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=qKndppDjp8MQ7kNvgFENh9Y&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent.fsin14-1.fna&_nc_gid=AV7AUPlPi2cI74dRZHbGqwk&oh=00_AYDalZvduvQJ2Fk4bxpLBmwIrz2_G-8OkDZ4lVoDZ3wyFw&oe=67B41641
https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=325670735539895&set=pcb.325673882206247
Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 Singlism?
PHOTO: Singlism? Yes, it’s a word that’s been concocted to depict the negative stereotypes and discrimination against people who are unmarried.
Picture posted by 潛奕式 Inception Dream, 奕 black shark on 27June 2022 - 蔣雪兒 花魁 Jiǎngxuě'er huākuí (Japanese woman known for her more refined entertainment skills and training in the traditional arts.)
Faceswap by Face Swap Ai generator at https://aifaceswap.io/multiple-face-swap-ai/
https://art-global.yimeta.ai/face-swap/43d0cdef3e51a1b0eff61d3e3c70058c.webp
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8SKncwY7Z8WtliigSrQObafm_31Lx-ZsJPJd3O2G4pvF3b01TxlOsV4fsUVYOCUq27U-XZv3EHGFqkIXQIZTF5uaYnoYDNn_ahi6a9P2lecOr09ZKKtP4YetJn2pDejv7zG4H5n-Q10FaErsHPkYFKX-gLwlNHoA9A744hdbZq6HXI2NYLBJAJTi2GHI/s2048/43d0cdef3e51a1b0eff61d3e3c70058c.png
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52177408835_fc46d370da_k.jpg
https://www.flickr.com/photos/edison19830115/52177408835/in/album-72177720300112493
https://www.flickr.com/photos/edison19830115/albums/72177720300112493/with/52177169754
Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age
 

 While the term Singlism includes folks who are divorced and widowed, it applies mostly to those like me who have never walked down the aisle (or whatever else people do in the name of getting hitched).
PHOTO: While the term Singlism includes folks who are divorced and widowed, it applies mostly to those like me who have never walked down the aisle (or whatever else people do in the name of getting hitched).
Picture posted by Aimi (あいみ), Gravure model who discovered fitness @aimi_feti on 26 November 2024 at 03:28 am
Faceswap by Face Swap Ai generator at https://aifaceswap.io/multiple-face-swap-ai/
https://art-global.yimeta.ai/face-swap/7173604e5042e8845e97e94c929f1196.webp
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBef-7gdZJPYcJEZIGMD-M6cPCGlJ4Vui9xkNoMo4bBqTGikzaZWGzNCPQmEq4gUjA5tzNfvJDC-5g5a0D5d4BRGic1TrpNFunOA1IDxbhb2AZOn-yLxaW6wQdi-lxqEfbgXG63BYLFDLlx3oWc1tExv70Yw2WjmfE5LBRqAJekwBhuo8mNhmcavsEFf0/s1104/7173604e5042e8845e97e94c929f1196.png
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GdQPvceaIAAiDAD?format=jpg&name=900x900
https://x.com/aimi_feti/status/1861129858002399335
Background picture posted by สมาคม สาวผ้าถุง (Sarong Girls Association) on Tuesday, 20 September 2022 at 08:33 pm
https://scontent.fsin14-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/307990990_515087443953976_1876318263310245511_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=833d8c&_nc_ohc=hEuGZd8HNVcQ7kNvgG8ZdiF&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent.fsin14-2.fna&_nc_gid=AOo8yKkqBtfT8DZ7l3hgG15&oh=00_AYCyj1AcmDV-21TpQpgcHB36MbTomlx9cNwpdRhsBxzNgw&oe=67924C2D
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=515087447287309&set=pb.100063581741173.-2207520000&type=3
Original face picture from:
Picture posted by Sumiko Tan, The Straits Times on 06 August 2024 at 05:00 AM
https://cassette.sphdigital.com.sg/image/straitstimes/45f58bd965cf1185790f7cdbdd3a22902b9350e35c6d6bd43a44ad8314188258
https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/sumiko-at-60-why-i-m-not-going-to-lie-about-my-age

By gracecst, gracious grace corner, 27 June 2010 at 06:00 am
This entry was posted in 听听聊聊 (Tīng tīng liáo liáo Listen and talk).


More on Sumiko Tan

Sumiko Tan - A friendship from the past, posted on Monday, 18 July 2016
Sumiko Tan - A friendship from the past, posted on Monday, 18 July 2016
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2016/07/sumiko-tan-friendship-from-past.html


Birth, life and death: Sumiko Tan, posted on Monday, 20 July 2015
Birth, life and death: Sumiko Tan, posted on Monday, 20 July 2015
https://veryfatoldman.blogspot.com/2015/07/birth-life-and-death-sumiko-tan.html
Reference
[1] gracecst, gracious grace corner, My Singular Existence — By Sumiko Tan, posted on 27 June 2010 at 06:00 am, https://gracecst.wordpress.com/2010/06/27/my-singular-existence-by-sumiko-tan/


Links
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