Saturday, March 29, 2014

How To Deal With Rejection

Source Website: http://thedailylove.com/how-to-deal-with-rejection/
By Christine Hassler, July 6, 2011


The biggest damage happens when we decide that going out there and pursuing our happiness and dreams is too painful and not worth our while.  That’s when we get stuck, convincing ourselves that we are better off being small, alone and safe.  When we are in that place, we can’t even feel the pain anymore.
PHOTO: The biggest damage happens when we decide that going out there and pursuing our happiness and dreams is too painful and not worth our while.  That’s when we get stuck, convincing ourselves that we are better off being small, alone and safe.  When we are in that place, we can’t even feel the pain anymore.

Rejection can actually make you a stronger wiser and more powerful person if you only deal with it appropriately.

Picture from post by Katherine Bouglai (Don’t Let Fear Of Rejection Stop You From Going Out There!) on May 25, 2011

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiciHjP0LXnxmz1ehiO5LsLpvtqQArD6ma7suW70XdkvYvmcODOZRai5sGuKoVY19bzSTOEmA7EdkiuSTiANn6I6L-32vi04X5y1p6jD-qEohOSrJOTxCt3lDW4a1sr9IXJlHXbw5JXDW4/s1600/jealousy.jpg
http://coaching4singles.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/jealousy.jpg
http://coaching4singles.wordpress.com/2011/05/25/don%E2%80%99t-let-fear-of-rejection-stop-you-from-going-out-there/


Rejection. It hurts. No matter what the size or severity, rejection is one of the biggest challenges to self-love.

From not getting a call back after what you thought was a great first date, to not getting the job you thought you were perfect for, rejection triggers a dangerous dose of self-doubt. And it happens to all of us.  Often it is during the twenty-something years that one experiences a big rejection for the first time, such as getting dumped or being laid off. So it’s the perfect time to learn how to receive “perceived” rejection (and I will explain why I use the word “perceived”) in a way that brings you more peace rather than more pain.


Rejection triggers a dangerous dose of self-doubt especially when one experiences a big rejection for the first time, such as getting dumped or being laid off.
PHOTO: Rejection triggers a dangerous dose of self-doubt especially when one experiences a big rejection for the first time, such as getting dumped or being laid off.
Picture by Vitaly-Sokol (Underwater Dace. Fashionable), Photography / People & Portraits / Fashion Portraits, ©2012-2014 Vitaly-Sokol
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeJkWvYY4UjLzJQSqDrJoj1rnEZavpiNv6LkqpGF4tOd9gMlerJCPo0B3vYRVt7LGd9EJm0pxAMRYqQIUqyAXz1CHSXVfp5V8qVA_a9vLRhZNRxUReKgt75hTNUAR814WLo7ZGGWCmvqA/s1600/underwater_dace__fashionable_by_willyambradberry-d4yna6j.jpg
http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/125/6/0/underwater_dace__fashionable_by_willyambradberry-d4yna6j.jpg
http://spacebirdsr71.deviantart.com/art/Underwater-Dace-Fashionable-300057931


Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase, “Rejection is God’s protection.” I believe this to be true, but like most clichés when recited to us in the midst of a big blow, it may sound more annoying than immediately comforting. First it’s important to just surrender to the fact that rejection does not feel good. A lot of self-help advice is geared toward feeling better quickly and sometimes that is not always possible. Accept the fact that you may feel hurt and angry. Give yourself permission to express those feelings in a healthy way such as journaling, speaking to a coach/counselor/mentor, taking it out in a kickboxing class or having a good cry.

Resist the immediate temptation to pump yourself full of positive thinking or pontificate as to why this is happening. You are a human being and it’s natural if feeling rejected stings a bit. Feel your feelings without judgment or analysis so they can move up and out rather than suppressing them. Sometimes we experience things that feel hurtful because our soul is yearning to learn how to be compassionate toward ourselves and break patterns of feeling punished or victimized.


We are a human being and it’s natural if feeling rejected stings a bit.
PHOTO: We are a human being and it’s natural if feeling rejected stings a bit. Feel our feelings without judgment or analysis so they can move up and out rather than suppressing them. Sometimes we experience things that feel hurtful because our soul is yearning to learn how to be compassionate toward ourselves and break patterns of feeling punished or victimized.
Picture by Vitaly-Sokol (Underwater Dance. Renaissance), Photography / People & Portraits / Fashion Portraits, ©2012-2014 Vitaly-Sokol
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMTHR8cl3B0HK6dQ0yeoqtmU_ZWbQoWx1hI9iVb2lRLxQ1O8mPk2shtL-ksflqZ3caT9rjVLgBdPNzdVRzotR1qKDYwdTEKjJn0rO5GzKep7Y11H3dMW0F7vGGgyWW8MHNRizsKCalSZU/s1600/underwater_dance__renaissance_by_willyambradberry-d4yna2b.jpg
http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/125/c/7/underwater_dance__renaissance_by_willyambradberry-d4yna2b.jpg
http://spacebirdsr71.deviantart.com/art/Underwater-Dance-Renaissance-300057779


Which brings me to the next important step in dealing with rejection: be compassionate with yourself. If you just got dumped, fired, left out or turned down, please do not add to your suffering by being hard on yourself.

Going into self-blame and judgment continues to feed the rejection because now you are rejecting yourself! Be kind to yourself with your thoughts and actions. Witness your self-talk and redirect it when you begin to downward spiral into negativity. One of the most effective and compassionate things you can say to yourself is, “I did the best I could.” And believe it! Trust me, if you could have done better, you would have.


When just got dumped, fired, left out or turned down, be kind to ourself with our thoughts and actions.
PHOTO: When just got dumped, fired, left out or turned down, be kind to ourself with our thoughts and actions. Say to ourself, “I did the best I could.”
Picture by duongquocdinh (DQD), Photography / People & Portraits / Body Art, ©2013-2014 duongquocdinh
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghElRMUOPfmvh8jeZYix5vqAUlHAG95MyaMvOUz_GJNCcSaZcXIJqZNN0aHpBCjc7jvOUxpE5yAU1RcBEsQI90cJQpmCAZpcN5C3j9YuRJIXB_5RNbLGwn4eDzivrKcKxHA1zO4uIokJs/s1600/dqd_by_duongquocdinh-d6t3y6v.jpg
http://th09.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/309/4/3/dqd_by_duongquocdinh-d6t3y6v.jpg
http://spacebirdsr71.deviantart.com/art/DQD-411690199


Next, do not take the rejection personally. Speaking from experience, I know this is extremely difficult. In my late twenties when my fiancé broke up with me six months before our wedding, I felt incredibly rejected and made it mean that I was a terrible, broken person unworthy of love. Personalizing the rejection made the heartache ten times harder. Luckily, I had a great coach who taught me the importance of not taking it personally.

I learned how to be compassionate with myself and ask, “What am I learning from this and how can I love myself while I go through it?” I was able to see that the break-up was an outward manifestation of what I was doing internally to myself: I was withholding my own self-love from myself by being consistently hard on myself. My relationship with me was full of rejection, so no wonder it ended up happening in the main relationship I was in with another person.


Be compassionate with myself
PHOTO: Be compassionate with myself and ask, “What am I learning from this and how can I love myself while I go through it?”
Picture by duongquocdinh (DQD2505a), Photography / People & Portraits / Body Art, ©2013-2014 duongquocdinh
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAMwhaubT710f7hk_31c3njE8M6CsYp1giCOuNldNVHBIfl0OMF_PAvoB8zjMEVsUTDayrNDUbCWo9-Wmg_ddXUBSl5FXdHY-vYvmVxiFe6TCmaigdUNFqQcgJBuOFOsd2CcAi2tU4oXg/s1600/dqd2505a_by_duongquocdinh-d6vfi9f.jpg
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http://spacebirdsr71.deviantart.com/art/DQD2505a-415588659


Furthermore, I totally understood how hard it was for my ex to be around a person who was not happy with herself. He was not necessarily rejecting me; he was doing the most self-honoring thing for himself and did me a HUGE favor. Granted, at the time it did not necessarily feel that way.

Trust in the delayed blessings that come with the initial burn of a rejection.


Trust in the delayed blessings that come with the initial burn of a rejection.
PHOTO: Trust in the delayed blessings that come with the initial burn of a rejection.
Painting by duongquocdinh (by Duong Quoc DInh), Photography / People & Portraits / Body Art, ©2011-2014 duongquocdinh
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC-wuxUJw2T7TDefgtfKSl77b4AmBEyVvPtzbSa0u4BKZwSpaprYxqaeykVBneqJUWfA9bpuMeTAeOlkpbzGN2zgTm8EOT57b3ypHgaMrNtwsCx48D_Gbwh4r1-wMRuqHEugYsuDtL-GM/s1600/painting_by_duong_quoc_dinh_by_duongquocdinh-d4fpkhq.jpg
http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/314/6/f/painting_by_duong_quoc_dinh_by_duongquocdinh-d4fpkhq.jpg
http://spacebirdsr71.deviantart.com/art/Painting-by-Duong-Quoc-DInh-268251902


Finally, understand and remind yourself that rejection often has nothing to do with you! People often have their own reasons for why they don’t behave in a way that you would categorize as accepting you or giving you what you want. And certain situations that trigger feelings of rejection are often based on so many external factors that, once again, have zero to do with anything you did or did not do. This is why I say that external rejection is “perceived” rather than being real.

The truth is that no one and nothing can truly reject you. The only way to truly be rejected is when you deny yourself of your own love, forgiveness and acceptance. Like I mentioned earlier, we often draw in external events that feel like perceived rejection because our Higher Self is mirroring what we are doing inside ourselves.


The truth is that no one and nothing can truly reject you. The only way to truly be rejected is when you deny yourself of your own love, forgiveness and acceptance.
PHOTO: The truth is that no one and nothing can truly reject you. The only way to truly be rejected is when you deny yourself of your own love, forgiveness and acceptance.
Painting body Art by Duong Quoc Dinh and Muc Tau - Model: Hani Nguyen
Picture by duongquocdinh (Dqd0872), Photography / People & Portraits / Body Art, ©2013-2014 duongquocdinh
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http://spacebirdsr71.deviantart.com/art/Dqd0872-413490980


You belong. You are loved. You are accepted. You are worthy. You are enough. You are doing the best you can. But don’t just take my words for it; reject any resistance and accept these truths for yourself! 

Love,
Christine
Christine Hassler is a certifed life and quarterlife coach. To visit her website click here.
Christine Hassler's website: http://www.twitter.com/christinhassler


Christine Hassler
PHOTO: You are doing the best you can. Reject any resistance and accept these truths for yourself! 
Picture by duongquocdinh (Painting body art), Photography / People & Portraits / Body Art, ©2013-2014 duongquocdinh
Painting body art and photo by Duong Quoc Dinh .Make up : Muc Tau. Model: Hani Nguyen
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOpMxlquuMUES99SOPgHtEZ_Vg4WbrZvY0p3kYA_l37J6yJzRySxbsHWEE58uciMiuXM7z0JdqsEVz_xvridLlGSDlckpLKtWsyOus_XLwRenA09ZYl-MYblh6me5xqaWfz00C_1oQNiI/s1600/painting_body_art_and_photo_by_duong_quoc_dinh_by_duongquocdinh-d6str34.jpg
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http://spacebirdsr71.deviantart.com/art/Painting-body-art-and-photo-by-Duong-Quoc-Dinh-411214432


When just got dumped, fired, left out or turned down, be kind to ourself with our thoughts and actions.
PHOTO: When just got dumped, fired, left out or turned down, be kind to ourself with our thoughts and actions. Say to ourself, “I did the best I could.”
Picture by duongquocdinh (DQD), Photography / People & Portraits / Body Art, ©2013-2014 duongquocdinh
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghElRMUOPfmvh8jeZYix5vqAUlHAG95MyaMvOUz_GJNCcSaZcXIJqZNN0aHpBCjc7jvOUxpE5yAU1RcBEsQI90cJQpmCAZpcN5C3j9YuRJIXB_5RNbLGwn4eDzivrKcKxHA1zO4uIokJs/s1600/dqd_by_duongquocdinh-d6t3y6v.jpg
http://th09.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/309/4/3/dqd_by_duongquocdinh-d6t3y6v.jpg
http://spacebirdsr71.deviantart.com/art/DQD-411690199



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