Monday, December 16, 2019

True story: 'He threatened to leave me unless I lost weight'

Source Website: https://www.asiaone.com/lifestyle/true-story-he-threatened-leave-me-unless-i-lost-weight
By Melissa Wong, Her World Online, Asiaone, 12 December 2019


*Gemma, 31, thought that she had found the man of her dreams but he turned out to be a control freak who obsessed over the way she looked and would threaten to break up with her if she gained weight.
PHOTO: *Gemma, 31, thought that she had found the man of her dreams but he turned out to be a control freak who obsessed over the way she looked and would threaten to break up with her if she gained weight.
PHOTO: Pixabay
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTBkcHHUGHHo7EAi-QTWvKdG-S8_KpcTtDOV1o7pbcszjxgQc-aOq-qBhbZywMd8x5tPY1mtE5eVqgbn3dEugPB_nVBbiwn0PVsTUvUHs2RGV8fTsgrmI-ncISdqsjNN84zU_uLqE4ZnU/s1600/New+Project+-+2019-12-12T161831.579.jpg
https://www.asiaone.com/sites/default/files/original_images/Dec2019/New%20Project%20-%202019-12-12T161831.579.jpg
https://www.asiaone.com/lifestyle/true-story-he-threatened-leave-me-unless-i-lost-weight


*Gemma, 31, thought that she had found the man of her dreams but he turned out to be a control freak who obsessed over the way she looked and would threaten to break up with her if she gained weight.

Tired of putting her health at risk, she found the courage to stand up to him by listening to her body instead of him and became healthier and happier. She shares her story.


*Gemma, tired of putting her health at risk, she found the courage to stand up to him by listening to her body instead of him and became healthier and happier.
PHOTO: *Gemma, tired of putting her health at risk, she found the courage to stand up to him by listening to her body instead of him and became healthier and happier.
Picture posted by freakingnews.com - Wonder Women in a Sea Cave - pictures
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyDmrqPqnboivqi1eZgiNyKHA6hFAknbrT_Kz-v_Dmh6gwuBxRlLe2p0zV5VhGBqevsu5TfykIJevUnkyP_iVPRjUGsDcVM-0921vuv05WQjNAOkXcTm9q9EtWHamZgB_MN1tKUwnvAII/s1600/Wonder-Women-in-a-Sea-Cave-120943_1.jpg
http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/120500/Wonder-Women-in-a-Sea-Cave-120943.jpg
http://www.freakingnews.com/Wonder-Women-in-a-Sea-Cave-Pics-133189.asp


"For as long as I can remember, I struggled to be slim.

As a child and teenager, I was rounder and heavier than my peers, and when I was in university I developed an eating disorder and suffered with body image issues, which left me depressed for a time.

It wasn't until I was in my early 20s that I stopped punishing myself and tried to accept myself as I was.

When I was 27 I started dating Eric*. He was handsome and sophisticated, and seven years older than me.

An entrepreneur in the fashion industry, he hung out with models and other good-looking people, and I felt the pressure to look like them.


An entrepreneur in the fashion industry, he hung out with models and other good-looking people, and I felt the pressure to look like them.
PHOTO: An entrepreneur in the fashion industry, he hung out with models and other good-looking people, and I felt the pressure to look like them.
Picture posted by freakingnews.com - Bouguereau Wonder Woman Painting - pictures
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMw-2AZi6ZOa15E1yq6wL3R0j22D6ekypO7AfikWQgN7eggLtNqs6tF-UlCMyBT9JZ_bgIFWOLPol1JMn8nr1Tp3tR92HUtfkKyJE0YloDROtd3PRSrkWH2Pxk2oouHMQ_zz5MsxGv3eg/s1600/Bouguereau-Wonder-Woman-Painting--120947.jpg
http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/120500/Bouguereau-Wonder-Woman-Painting--120947.jpg
http://www.freakingnews.com/Bouguereau-Wonder-Woman-Painting-Pictures-133193.asp


FROM WEIGHT-OBSESSED TO FULL-BLOWN EATING DISORDER
In our early days together, Eric never failed to tell me how beautiful I was.

However, as we got closer and spent more time together, he got less generous with the compliments and became quite controlling.

For instance, he'd tell me what to eat, how to dress, how to do my hair and makeup, and suggest things I could do to improve my appearance.


Eric* tell me what to eat, how to dress, how to do my hair and makeup, and suggest things I could do to improve my appearance.
PHOTO: Eric* tell me what to eat, how to dress, how to do my hair and makeup, and suggest things I could do to improve my appearance.
Picture posted by freakingnews.com - Nancy Pelosi as Super Girl by Johannes Vermeer - pictures
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEKvKWFdwqRVGUAP85RQDNlinG6IKt1moGquIq-vZavJ8BXnMHxfe7gDu0UEku3b1_l54NLPzsfnxk6vIOjH10wTL_6SzWRQpWtftna4y_iZmiWsTgqHGIkZppV-vd5z4LVCGW8he3ogg/s1600/Nancy-Pelosi-as-Super-Girl-by-Johannes-Vermeer--120946.jpg
http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/120500/Nancy-Pelosi-as-Super-Girl-by-Johannes-Vermeer--120946.jpg
http://www.freakingnews.com/Nancy-Pelosi-as-Super-Girl-by-Johannes-Vermeer-Pictures-133192.asp


At first I thought he just wanted me to the best I could be.

As we always showed up to his work events together, I also understood that it was important for me to look polished and groomed - like his female model friends.


As we always showed up to his work events together, I also understood that it was important for me to look polished and groomed - like his female model friends.
PHOTO: As we always showed up to his work events together, I also understood that it was important for me to look polished and groomed - like his female model friends.
Picture posted by Robin Art &Cosplay @RobinArtCosplay on 19 May 2018 - Chun-Li Bikini
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWInU-ayUC2GmxSlwAjzj4KTeYyk7Mgn_9VS3v-4bz_ln91uXqm5-DTHx6Gd72-KAmPejaoYNNTNAERL3E5AxrGd-lgs95_KvCVtiogfaq60IzOb-sg1kKQOO8zziZikFEvmOZU3u5d8A/s1600/DdlPOO5VwAA4w0H.jpg+large.jpg
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DdlPOO5VwAA4w0H.jpg:large
https://twitter.com/robinartcosplay/status/997915944054702080


I didn't mind this, and in fact, was grateful that I had someone in my life that looked out for me this way.


I didn't mind this, and in fact, was grateful that I had someone in my life that looked out for me this way.
PHOTO: I didn't mind this, and in fact, was grateful that I had someone in my life that looked out for me this way.
Picture posted by Robin Art &Cosplay @RobinArtCosplay on 19 May 2018 - Chun-Li Bikini
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-4l2oozns035OiywYjEQBdexj-DgZDojUey1vyDnRFoge9uvjdTxUNPcp6TGGCq_99BV9oe5gBHQwgGVbDiE0UgmwAim1hXzRrAUzvFWDHlQpFD3SPk7tQ-flHJhWUfoI5FnJhRFqEKw/s1600/DdlPO9SVwAAZquE.jpg+large.jpg
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DdlPO9SVwAAZquE.jpg:large
https://twitter.com/robinartcosplay/status/997915944054702080


However, over the next couple of years, I became so obsessed with my weight and fitting into certain types of clothes that my old diet habits returned and I began to cut out entire food groups.

Pretty soon, I wasn't eating very much at all and my weight plummeted to 48kg, which was about 5kg less than what I ought to have weighed.

I felt weak half the time but convinced myself that I looked good, because everyone said so. Occasionally, people even mistook me for a model whenever they saw me with Eric.

TIRED OF THE WEIGHT STRUGGLE
It wasn't easy staying thin because I loved food so much.

A few stressful months at work saw me seek comfort in all my favourite fattening treats, and pretty soon I gained the 5kg that I needed, plus a few extra kilograms.


A few stressful months at work saw me seek comfort in all my favourite fattening treats, and pretty soon I gained the 5kg that I needed, plus a few extra kilograms.
PHOTO: A few stressful months at work saw me seek comfort in all my favourite fattening treats, and pretty soon I gained the 5kg that I needed, plus a few extra kilograms.
Picture posted by Robin Art &Cosplay🌞‏ @RobinArtCosplay on 19 September 2017 at 4:56 PM
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMqb9wOPhfFQnwSgShCG7CGgxg6z2oM9rjHOqjqyKH9gcjdN_TSG6CjYp-NqsuLjpWzk6H8LyLpbrvX7WivB4C0LCoKgqoKTGEbSkFyeROrTn6iBJ9EDfnbOOmedfhjB-JKUJr0qQ666U/s1600/DKIBT_1UMAAnUbM.jpg+large.jpg
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DKIBT_1UMAAnUbM.jpg:large
https://twitter.com/robinartcosplay/status/910291596536451072


Eric didn't let me get away with it.

'You're looking unfit and podgy', he'd say, 'I think it's time for you to go on another diet'.

I was stupid and naïve enough to listen to him and went on a crash diet, consuming nothing but green juice and protein shakes for two weeks.

I got back down to 48kg but felt absolutely horrible physically, not to mention, depressed.


I was stupid and naïve enough to listen to him and went on a crash diet, consuming nothing but green juice and protein shakes for two weeks.
PHOTO: I was stupid and naïve enough to listen to him and went on a crash diet, consuming nothing but green juice and protein shakes for two weeks.
Picture posted by Cosplay X Anime‏ @Cosplayanimu on 9 August 2018 at 6:35 AM
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqF18WAaNFLvTWD7UbBP9OFuwHH6sqiCDGw11NBDlDtMUBgVCkTU9ic1GV2fzB8nsTdvnRAJpgMK5L1p2he_CiRwwGk3zrXPpiVbW8cduEjVEPSqE6t3-AlNwhfWYybbpa2W0AioOHsvk/s1600/DkKWFtWWsAEArZi.jpg
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DkKWFtWWsAEArZi.jpg
https://twitter.com/cosplayanimu/status/1027548870476275712


When I thought back to my time in university when I struggled to be thin, I knew that that was the last thing I wanted to experience again.

After I turned 30, a medical check-up revealed that my body was lacking in several crucial vitamins and minerals, like iron and calcium.

To make things worse my hair was falling out and I had trouble concentrating at work. My doctor put me on a weight-gain programme and warned me not to go on an extreme diet again.


After I turned 30, a medical check-up revealed that my body was lacking in several crucial vitamins and minerals, like iron and calcium.
PHOTO: After I turned 30, a medical check-up revealed that my body was lacking in several crucial vitamins and minerals, like iron and calcium.
Picture posted by THE CORNER OF MAYKA, Unknown on Friday, 27 August 2010 at 8:39 PM
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSeNK6KIEHpR8_6Uq_oj1PIx1c3z19R4uzwYnFLwBhoO1ffsrkOAHxoBgnbPkGbApc6rhzTAwxvWEEBsCzpjNJKVzrWBFYwlYGtkwjgM2HaCUzvtLjglpU98pdAXn5VrUAj1uIdBxIbFk/s1600/if_i_only_had_a_heart_by_wildfire2003_1.jpg
http://pre08.deviantart.net/a954/th/pre/i/2009/162/a/b/if_i_only_had_a_heart_by_wildfire2003.jpg
https://mayka-elrincondemayka.blogspot.com/2010/08/si-yo-tuviera-un-corazon.html


Two months later my weight went back up to 55kg and I began to feel healthy again. Eric, of course, wasn't happy and insisted I lose a few kilos.

He made fun of my belly and thighs and also tried to restrict what I ate - for example he would order food for me whenever we went out and forbade me from ordering alcoholic drinks. He also got one of his personal trainer friends to design a workout schedule for me.

I resented Eric for making me feel like I wasn't good enough, so I decided to show him that I didn't need him in my life in order to accept or love myself.

HAPPY TO BE ME
I stopped listening to whatever diet and exercise 'advice' Eric gave me and focused on what my body needed, which was wholesome food.

In about three months I put on an extra 3kg, getting up to about 58kg. I was slightly overweight for my height but I didn't care.

I felt beautiful and healthy. I took up martial arts and began lifting weights, which transformed my body from scrawny and weak to muscular and strong.


I felt beautiful and healthy. I took up martial arts and began lifting weights, which transformed my body from scrawny and weak to muscular and strong.
PHOTO: I felt beautiful and healthy. I took up martial arts and began lifting weights, which transformed my body from scrawny and weak to muscular and strong.
Picture posted by  PhilandoCastile122 on 12 August 2018 - Nana Shimura from My Hero Academia
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilIx6V_2S4aJJKbVyntmproFM7gcybpoHdXa8wrzXXlbvaQPPjMjXDOaVIvLTzn-Dnn5PuMCp_VctfytrZJesSFCB2JC8RzzCaIzroEkqEyHcfrEtvu24oXRwMEb6d8njeJXvz4zMBnI4/s1600/uUL3G1n.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/uUL3G1n.jpg
https://imgur.com/gallery/uUL3G1n


I also stopped giving in to pressure to look a certain way, so I stopped wearing all my figure-hugging outfits and changed how I did my hair and makeup.

Gone were the glamorous 'dos and attention-grabbing colours. Instead, I opted for a more natural, girl-next-door look.

Eric hated this change in my appearance, telling me that I had let myself go and accusing me of not caring about his social and professional image.

For weeks, he threatened to leave me unless I lost weight and wore the clothes he wanted me to wear, but I'd had enough.


Eric hated this change in my appearance, telling me that I had let myself go and accusing me of not caring about his social and professional image.
PHOTO: Eric hated this change in my appearance, telling me that I had let myself go and accusing me of not caring about his social and professional image. For weeks, he threatened to leave me unless I lost weight and wore the clothes he wanted me to wear, but I'd had enough.
Picture posted by LadyTara on 11 May 2012 - Laura W cosplaying 'Assassin Jane' - 13
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https://www.deviantart.com/ladytara/art/Laura-W-cosplaying-Assassin-Jane-13-301338172


I told him that I wasn't going to compromise my physical or emotional health for anyone again and that I was finally happy and confident in my own skin.

I added that if he couldn't accept the new me, he could go ahead and find another girlfriend. I wasn't surprised when he ended our relationship a couple of weeks later.

Of course, it didn't take him long to hook up with someone else. And I should have been heartbroken but I wasn't.

Being impressionable and desperate to fit in with the cool, glamorous crowd, I allowed a superficial, arrogant, narcissistic man to control how I treated my body and dictate the way I looked.


Being impressionable and desperate to fit in with the cool, glamorous crowd, I allowed a superficial, arrogant, narcissistic man to control how I treated my body and dictate the way I looked.
PHOTO: Being impressionable and desperate to fit in with the cool, glamorous crowd, I allowed a superficial, arrogant, narcissistic man to control how I treated my body and dictate the way I looked.
Picture posted by Wildfire2003 on 15 April 2009 - The Scarecrow 
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCxzIaY-QQjJAjjetr3BUl4OOoFYaYbDFazA91ImSlCQWSd-LU6A6ZgWlrpySEpiA4wTQubdBgRdVfr_4AMvZAPVOu3TUocDxtJq2XF2gx0qC2oqTPzkt5iN5oQNbbijaisZ4940pki3M/s1600/the_scarecrow_by_wildfire2003_d1z1tik-fullview.jpg
https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/34fe1073-d354-4535-aff2-5390f95eee68/d1z1tik-5eeff767-e903-4bc4-a00c-fc5082a6960d.jpg/v1/fill/w_800,h_1200,q_75,strp/the_scarecrow_by_wildfire2003_d1z1tik-fullview.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTIwMCIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzM0ZmUxMDczLWQzNTQtNDUzNS1hZmYyLTUzOTBmOTVlZWU2OFwvZDF6MXRpay01ZWVmZjc2Ny1lOTAzLTRiYzQtYTAwYy1mYzUwODJhNjk2MGQuanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTgwMCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19.wTUrw4m5ywlmYEcHkKp5IM7zFroieTF_0b0h_7OHcyE
https://www.deviantart.com/wildfire2003/art/The-Scarecrow-119337644


It took me a long time to see that I was putting my body through hell for someone else's sake.


It took me a long time to see that I was putting my body through hell for someone else's sake.
PHOTO: It took me a long time to see that I was putting my body through hell for someone else's sake.
Picture posted by Pygar on 19 June 2009 - Forest Magic
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQeyT5Glcg-8L2XVenY0SA-GM758j6jR-Dh7gLSMWgbXDtHf7Ktok-z0EHIfeAyHCbzd6vxIOnUqIM2xJ7V_Pd_iQupSwdWLPksA7ZjVeu0x_XCrU3TFTLwL75bJsvQ-EI0vZz99AA48s/s1600/forest_magic_by_pygar_d23aeuy-fullview.jpg
https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/ba17cd76-81ee-4c56-ac62-1c6a127f1c33/d23aeuy-d501bd89-7945-4c7c-a91b-e4a9f0a02f51.jpg/v1/fill/w_600,h_750,q_75,strp/forest_magic_by_pygar_d23aeuy-fullview.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NzUwIiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvYmExN2NkNzYtODFlZS00YzU2LWFjNjItMWM2YTEyN2YxYzMzXC9kMjNhZXV5LWQ1MDFiZDg5LTc5NDUtNGM3Yy1hOTFiLWU0YTlmMGEwMmY1MS5qcGciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9NjAwIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmltYWdlLm9wZXJhdGlvbnMiXX0.Kkf0scgTdW_wXNJuJE2URVFuBxlQzs3JFMe81YaZjrU
https://www.deviantart.com/pygar/art/Forest-Magic-126457018


I was done living for somebody else and neglecting my own happiness in the process.


I was done living for somebody else and neglecting my own happiness in the process.
PHOTO: I was done living for somebody else and neglecting my own happiness in the process.
Picture posted by oooSpeedooo on 22 August 2012 - Peril
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBmhYj0l4w43sbatbk2W5itcsTtMMyKBq7KJE8gjPR95COnINl_jSRp88Z9ZzIm42JR9ZluqLNzcfJecRBjsOhSmwi-4WXELPVx0X5p-LbPMIzRhHleh7bILbxE7JOpN61Fw-kmqsBASc/s1600/peril_by_ooospeedooo_d5c3zlv-fullview.jpg
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https://www.deviantart.com/ooospeedooo/art/Peril-322672387


These days I am a lot healthier. I have a new group of friends who accept me as I am and love me for my heart and mind, not for my body or how I make them look when I'm with them."


These days I am a lot healthier.
PHOTO: "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1).
Picture posted by clair0bscur on 11 April 2017 - Like the dawn
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https://www.deviantart.com/clair0bscur/art/Like-the-dawn-674068689

By Melissa Wong, Her World Online, Asiaone, 12 December 2019
This article was first published in Her World Online.



Reference
[1] Melissa Wong, Her World Online, Asiaone, True story: 'He threatened to leave me unless I lost weight', posted on 12 December 2019, https://www.asiaone.com/lifestyle/true-story-he-threatened-leave-me-unless-i-lost-weight


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