Sunday, February 11, 2018

'Single all my life, but I'm no less of a woman'

Source Website: http://www.asiaone.com/women/single-all-my-life-im-no-less-woman?link_time=1518244408
By Carla Marez P. Peruelo, Philippine Daily Inquirer/Asia News Network, 10 February 2018


I have been single all my life.
PHOTO: I have been single all my life. In spite of my own or others' theories, it is beyond me to know at this point exactly why things are the way they are. Maybe I should have to experience life (and love) differently from others.
PHOTO: Pixabay
Picture posted by Carla Marez P. Peruelo, Philippine Daily Inquirer/Asia News Network on 10 February 2018
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNxCwTS5_vjCcUsSbWdla3pWJYd0YOJvDrAi3uB2qAVxLKztcYd4X-MmURQ9XJM4FNlOM_wjKuZy_oHXKyu456aEhSfGSQWzmparuvXFVT_B-KEq4MGUFr1XeD3ICrmmxJgJNbP3HB62M/s1600/singlepeople_020817_pb.jpg
http://www.asiaone.com/sites/default/files/styles/640x360/public/original_images/Aug2017/singlepeople_020817_pb.jpg?itok=BLTXFLwN
http://www.asiaone.com/women/single-all-my-life-im-no-less-woman?link_time=1518244408


Ah, yes. Being single at a time when you're supposed to be anything but.

Maybe this is a disaster and I'm supposed to be panicking, especially in relation to the fate of my egg cells. But oddly enough, I'm not.

When people ask me about my love life nowadays (and it's sweet they think I have one), I don't know what to say because there really is nothing to tell. I have been single all my life, which is partly why, when I hear prepubescent kids whine about how they haven't found their "forever" yet and how maybe they'll die alone and such, I try my hardest not to laugh in their faces. My darlings, please. You ain't been through nothing yet.


Being single at a time when you're supposed to be anything but.
PHOTO: Being single at a time when you're supposed to be anything but. When people ask me about my love life nowadays (and it's sweet they think I have one), I don't know what to say because there really is nothing to tell.
Picture posted by mage Finder, andrastudio from goodfreephotos.com on 16 July 2017, and is licensed under Public Domain - Girl in white sadly sitting on bed
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilHrgIf4gBtHICqcef4b5HM8vibMkWG2ZGd96PhxqFr60Izzi-0f7XYWwPWjYs2UJ_jL1TuYeifrVFigR30-snLKtwsveYVarZrI44HjFq9C5uc7U20Rl8s_52q2tg0LBMFrzameSQ04Q/s1600/girl-in-white-sadly-sitting-on-bed-880x1322.jpg
https://s3.amazonaws.com/s3.imagefinder.co/uploads/2017/07/16153532/girl-in-white-sadly-sitting-on-bed-880x1322.jpg
https://imagefinder.co/photo/girl-in-white-sadly-sitting-on-bed/


Then again, I'm a peculiar nut, and I may have experienced life (and love) differently from others. It is no secret to many of my friends that my experience of brokenness in the family has led me to be especially guarded when it comes to who I let into my life, much more my heart. I try to work through it, but it's not easy.

Some experiences-especially ones we go through as a child-really do shape us, at our cores, and it is very difficult to weed out that thread from our past and just live without it, because it has come to be part of our very fabric.

Now add to that the fact that I'm strongly introverted, a lover of solitude and freedom, and here you have someone for whom being single is less of a bother and more of a second nature.


Some experiences-especially ones we go through as a child-really do shape us, at our cores, and it is very difficult to weed out that thread from our past and just live without it, because it has come to be part of our very fabric.
PHOTO: Some experiences-especially ones we go through as a child-really do shape us, at our cores, and it is very difficult to weed out that thread from our past and just live without it, because it has come to be part of our very fabric.
Now add to that the fact that I'm strongly introverted, a lover of solitude and freedom, and here you have someone for whom being single is less of a bother and more of a second nature.
Picture posted by goodfreephotos.com on 12 November 2016, and is licensed under Public Domain - Girl sitting in the landscape besides a waterfall
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyOmllfjoz-n-vp1s2myPA47hNDJWsSXl7D4LvcsSdPVg2EmZIvn0hhC8ck3aNBXPD54GWsGKdGMJRsPSsI-RT8qcXJ-BYapd0OMAEu_G7UPm1Uu2ATysNqA73tfGWW41VW0pg_sXijCw/s1600/girl-sitting-in-the-landscape-besides-a-waterfall.jpg
https://www.goodfreephotos.com/albums/people/girl-sitting-in-the-landscape-besides-a-waterfall.jpg
https://www.goodfreephotos.com/people/girl-sitting-in-the-landscape-besides-a-waterfall.jpg.php
https://www.goodfreephotos.com/


I've heard all the romantic cliches, of course, about how maybe I just haven't met "the right person," or how maybe it isn't "the right time."

I've also heard the less dreamy ones, about how maybe I have standards too high for any earthling to meet, or how maybe my calling really is single-blessedness, if not religious life. But my favourite is when someone attempts to explain to me, in psychoanalytical terms and often condescendingly, how I might've been messed up so bad in my childhood that I now have these intimacy and commitment issues to contend with, as if I haven't all but written a psychological report about it.

Now some, all, or none of these explanations may be true. I admit it bothers me at times, but in spite of my own or others' theories, it is beyond me to know at this point exactly why things are the way they are.


I've heard all the romantic cliches, of course, about how maybe I just haven't met 'the right person,' or how maybe it isn't 'the right time.'
PHOTO: I've heard all the romantic cliches, of course, about how maybe I just haven't met "the right person," or how maybe it isn't "the right time." I've also heard the less dreamy ones, about how maybe I have standards too high for any earthling to meet, or how maybe my calling really is single-blessedness. My favourite is in psychoanalytical terms, how I might've been messed up so bad in my childhood.
Picture posted by Pxhere
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7MQP1zCL3BjUAy6Vjo3bnOLyE5unLiMIiLuxGGNCD2YQVGbCbfJXOIgT9qwJNXt8bejLXl7CVbRPvb86LSFf8AE3C7Kq2e1JuByswOx32mSX8fj9t2X-LULOajOoM-DnhKqpiY8xxPRc/s1600/1026043.jpg
https://get.pxhere.com/photo/water-forest-outdoor-rock-waterfall-people-girl-woman-countryside-adventure-cute-jungle-asia-human-bare-lifestyle-smile-teenager-thailand-life-farmer-the-world-vietnamese-the-village-face-happiness-cool-rainforest-cambodia-culture-habitat-by-nature-laos-traditional-screenshot-pa-mythology-female-sex-indonesian-glad-myanmar-burma-in-the-country-pathetic-natural-environment-of-poverty-country-malaysia-outside-of-the-house-nationals-of-indonesia-the-bath-that-simple-1026043.jpg
https://pxhere.com/en/photo/1026043


Sometimes people, especially those who insist that women stick to the cultural timetable of getting married and settling down at a certain age, seem to demand an explanation for singlehood, as if it were a disease whose etiology needs to be traced for it to be cured. And sometimes I do fall into that line of thinking as well, and I attempt to figure out what could've gone so wrong with me for me to be single at this age.

But of late, I've realised that though I might indeed be cracked in some way, I'm not less of a woman - and certainly not less of a person - just because I'm single. And society shouldn't be making me and other singletons feel otherwise. We need to broaden our definition of an acceptable and respectable way to live. We need to recognise that while finding love, getting married, and raising kids are beneficial for the continuity of the human species, such events are not the only measures of a life worth living, or well-lived.


I'm not less of a woman - and certainly not less of a person - just because I'm single.
PHOTO: I'm not less of a woman - and certainly not less of a person - just because I'm single. And society shouldn't be making me and other singletons feel otherwise. We need to broaden our definition of an acceptable and respectable way to live. We need to recognise that while finding love, getting married, and raising kids are beneficial for the continuity of the human species, such events are not the only measures of a life worth living, or well-lived.
Picture posted by PIXNIO - Asia, girl, agriculture, bamboo, bag, seed, nature, forest
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhmn9ct1694g0H4bbcQxjET8gBS1G7EQ04RA0rm5GT2e_pZYaU6SR3mlwtp_Otz4hJC8nw3ojacIMWOKBKrqHN3eUpyz_nsd2Vr6FGwZwAECjUC8U8Sv06sEAmL92sERkSfRummHWipqc/s1600/2017-05-31-23-20-00.jpg
https://pixnio.com/free-images/2017/05/31/2017-05-31-23-20-00.jpg
https://pixnio.com/people/female-women/asia-girl-agriculture-bamboo-bag-seed-nature-forest


It is all very fluid, how things are in this world, and all I can say is that I'm just trying to ride it out like everybody else. Currently, I'm working for causes that matter to me, in a field that I love, and that's all there is in my life for now.

If you ask me why I still haven't found anyone or settled down at this point, I don't have the answer. I have speculations, yes, but instead of going through the trouble of explaining all the theories about it, maybe I could just give you a wan smile and say, "I don't know."

It'll be closer to the truth than any other answer I could give you, and it will have to be enough.


Being single can be a blessing in disguise.
PHOTO: Being single can be a blessing in disguise. The fear that we one day may be abandoned and removed may make singles feel unwanted and depressed. We have been warned of many bad endings including losing the privilege of citizenship. But so far every day is a present from Him who creates us. Things are still getting on as fine and we have not yet faced any death threatening situation except that our health are going downhill. By going to Jesus first, I am relieved that I need not bear all the burdens and misfortunes. He will plan something just right for me, and for everybody.
Being 'unloved' is indeed shameful but although I may not be what I am suppose to be, this is the best I can be. I am still an ordinary person, but with extraordinary circumstances. I still have hope and aspiration being in relationship with somebody. He is Jesus Christ, our Creator and Son of God. His acceptance over shadow the rejections by the world. It is in Him that we find perfect rest and fulfilment for our soul. This is the achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted.
Picture posted by mage Finder, andrastudio from goodfreephotos.com on 17 November 2016, and is licensed under Public Domain - Girl Gathering Rice in Southeastern Asia
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh8D7M6w0BQfWSwcMaJY0aO7C0gwtm9K4rwN9JXFbiesc3Rob936OTfjZukeoUNM26ZFyLE2fIv1qMDrBkyZnkEqE3Hzk_-PD1_yNEzry2oPg7vhhMHt4O63aZWv6Bwjc4g00bgOzTUv8/s1600/girl-gathering-rice-in-southeastern-asia.jpg
https://s3.amazonaws.com/s3.imagefinder.co/uploads/2016/11/17153558/girl-gathering-rice-in-southeastern-asia.jpg
https://imagefinder.co/photo/girl-gathering-rice-in-southeastern-asia/
http://veryfatoldman.blogspot.sg/2018/02/reflection-making-sure-you-go-to-jesus.html

By Carla Marez P. Peruelo, Philippine Daily Inquirer/Asia News Network, 10 February 2018



Reference
[1] Carla Marez P. Peruelo, Philippine Daily Inquirer/Asia News Network, 'Single all my life, but I'm no less of a woman', posted on 10 February 2018, http://www.asiaone.com/women/single-all-my-life-im-no-less-woman?link_time=1518244408
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