Sunday, June 5, 2011

'So ... what are we'

Today On Sunday ,Sunday June 5, 2011, Page 11, Speakeasy, Column
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Source Website:
http://www.todayonline.com/Columns/Speakeasy/EDC110605-0000006/So-,,,-what-are-we
By
Georgina Chang, todayonsunday@mediacorp.com.sg, Speakeasy, 04:46 AM Jun 05, 2011



PHOTO: A dating couple resting by the Singapore River. Young Couples. Teenage Relationships. Couplehood. Singlehood.
Photo by Don Wong.DW180808.ndprally0819
Copyright © MediaCorp Press Ltd

Today On Sunday ,Sunday June 5, 2011, Page 11, Speakeasy, Column




PHOTO: Georgina Chang
The writer is the senior creative director of 987FM and Lush 99.5.

Today On Sunday ,Sunday June 5, 2011, Page 11, Speakeasy, Column


I delight in the piquant pleasure and precariousness of a new date. But after the fraternising has gone on for three months, surely it's time for The Talk that starts with: "So ... what are we?"

It's best to clarify that you both have the same objectives. Otherwise, the one who harboured higher expectations and emotions will get hurt and disappointed.

I've always thought that if you're dining regularly, confiding problems, then kissing and groping along with it, you're dating right? In fact, that's already a relationship, no?



PHOTO: The Beginning of After by Jennifer Castle - testament to how drastically life can change in the span of a single moment.
https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-Ll77vkPWD8A/TW8KRbT5uvI/AAAAAAAAA-0/xD3Sga7I2So/s1600/The+Beginning+of+After+by+Jennifer+Castle.jpg
http://midnightbloomreads.blogspot.com/2011/03/waiting-on-wednesday-36-beginning-of.html


Well, no, according to my male friends.

Kissing and groping doesn't mean you're dating exclusively as he could be kissing and groping other women too. And generally, he doesn't want to know if you're seeing other men, either. Only if he has emotional attachment to you will he want to know if there are other rivals.

If she doesn't mind that you're seeing other women, then it means that she's also enjoying her own buffet of men. Or, she really likes you and is willing to wait for you to come to your senses and realise that she's the only One that you'll ever need.



PHOTO: Drawing with Light by Julia Green - the shifting emotions of a teenager trying to make sense of her family and her world.
http://images.contentreserve.com/ImageType-100/1559-1/%7B54A8F892-CAA0-46E2-9824-0F31B74D3424%7DImg100.jpg
http://overdrive.christchurchcitylibraries.com/B0E4B392-2FAE-4C65-9BAE-B4676B67188A/10/658/en/ContentDetails.htm?ID={54A8F892-CAA0-46E2-9824-0F31B74D3424}


Also, many guys say that seeing each other for six months is sometimes still regarded as open season (meaning, they can date other women too). However, if you've been kissing and groping for two years, and can't pin him down for The Talk, then perhaps you should date someone else who doesn't have commitment phobia.

I'm told a guy would only initiate The Talk if he feels chemistry and he's comfortable with you. Or if there's no one else available, and he wants more than the occasional cuddle.

However, most women are inclined towards developing a steady relationship. My friend Edwin thinks we froth ourselves up and are ready to take the plunge into the relationship even before assessing the situation properly.

To know "What are we?" we first must know "Where is he?" from an emotional standpoint.



PHOTO: All choices made will see changes along the line, so chose to be safe rather than be sorry latter.
http://bulk.destructoid.com/ul/176490-e3-10-pirates-of-the-caribbean-armada-of-the-damned/Opawy%20Wato%201-620x.jpg
http://www.destructoid.com/e3-10-pirates-of-the-caribbean-armada-of-the-damned-176490.phtml


So he's always initiating the next date. He talks about doing stuff together in the future. Not buying a flat or how many kids you want - but stuff like a concert or a new restaurant to experience together.

He's extending himself to do nice things, like acquiring the rare hard cover book you've been searching for for five years.

All that indicates that he likes you, and wants to impress you. But it doesn't mean that he is ready for a relationship.

He could be considering an exclusive relationship if he introduces you to his colleagues. Watch them closely.

If they raise their eyebrows and go "Ah" when they meet you, it means he's been telling them about you. But if they go "Ah" and then start to grope (reach about uncertainly) you, just extricate yourself and leave. He's been telling them about you all right, but not the way you'd like.



PHOTO: Breathing Underwater by Julia Green - Life and love - are still vibrantly in the air. A perfect coming of age for any young girl just tipping into teenhood.
http://images.contentreserve.com/ImageType-100/1559-1/%7B182844EA-91AA-48F3-B7F5-999355BA028D%7DImg100.jpg
http://overdrive.christchurchcitylibraries.com/B0E4B392-2FAE-4C65-9BAE-B4676B67188A/10/658/en/ContentDetails-Cover.htm?ID=182844EA-91AA-48F3-B7F5-999355BA028D
http://overdrive.christchurchcitylibraries.com/B0E4B392-2FAE-4C65-9BAE-B4676B67188A/10/658/en/ContentDetails.htm?ID=182844EA-91AA-48F3-B7F5-999355BA028D


If he invites you to his company D&D, then that's big. He thinks your net worth will increase his status in the eyes of his colleagues. That is in the public realm. He won't showcase any random woman, and wouldn't want his colleagues to think he's a player as that's a reflection of his ethics and integrity that could affect his professional image.

The private realm of his close friends is harder to discern. He could simply be showing off to his buddies who will nudge and wink at him for scoring. Among guys, it's like bringing home the kill. Thump chest. Me did good.



PHOTO: If you invite him to meet your close friends and he makes excuses not to, then he isn't ready.
http://api.ning.com/files/THmbiHAbJ0Qkc302npdIwBdWtQpFAD4ttEDM7jaOxHENZUBpW35jFH1MIwIR*BdTAPR1ckwp3y*oUJvE8BWhpVKMeLHgMTnybqp2LJ0F*bY_/underground.jpg
http://thetwilightsaga.com/


On the other hand, he could be planning to take the relationship further and needs his friend's opinion. They're all sussing you out, so you better be on your best behaviour. No getting drunk, crying about the ex, or jumping into the swimming pool fully clothed or worse, naked.

However, if you invite him to meet your close friends and he makes excuses not to, then he isn't ready. Maybe he only wants you for your body, he just isn't that into you, or he isn't ready for the next step.

Back off graciously. Hysterical tears won't make him more ready.

My friend Peter dates a lot of women who try to tie him down. He often tells them to "Just enjoy it for what it is, let it flow. You never know what's going to happen."



PHOTO: "You bitch! what the hell is wrong with you?" Those are the last words he said beforeI walked out.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HJrGkCIwYOg/TOxkSz2CCZI/AAAAAAAAVjM/WsI5yd660kM/s1600/Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer-Angel--Avatar-2010-02-25.jpg
http://fun140.com/quizzes/156803--you-bitch-what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you-those-are-the-last-words-he-said-before-i-walked-out-vampires-cussing-justin-bieber-etc-/take


But most women hear, "I really like you. I'll change for you. You're the only one for me."

So please clean your ears, be objective, and don't rush it because these "unready" guys will run for the hills, or run into another woman's arms.

Just relish getting to know him, and don't allow the impatience of "are we there yet?" ruin what could be a beautiful friendship for life.

By
Georgina Chang, todayonsunday@mediacorp.com.sg, Speakeasy, 04:46 AM Jun 05, 2011
The writer is the senior creative director of 987FM and Lush 99.5.




PHOTO: All choices made will see changes along the line, so chose to be safe rather than be sorry latter.
http://bulk.destructoid.com/ul/176490-e3-10-pirates-of-the-caribbean-armada-of-the-damned/Opawy%20Wato%201-620x.jpg
http://www.destructoid.com/e3-10-pirates-of-the-caribbean-armada-of-the-damned-176490.phtml




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